Absconded/Transcript

Transcript

This page is a transcript for the episode "Absconded" from the third season of Elementary.

Captain Gregson: Can you read that all right, Hugo? You need glasses?
Hugo: It's an ad, I guess. Like an online classified ad.
Gregson: You don't need to guess. You placed it. IP address says it came from the library down the block from your apartment.
Joan Watson: "Wanted, free spirits with dance moves. Make a memory and 50 bucks." You sent Raggedy Andy masks like this one to everyone who responded. They thought they'd be in a flash-mob viral video.
Sherlock Holmes: When in fact they were participants in a human shell game. Your unwitting accomplices provided cover, while you stabbed your boss in broad daylight. You then fled amongst the dispersing Andys.
Gregson: Nobody here thinks much of your scheme, but your masks, they're impressive. How long did it take you to make them, Hugo?
Hugo: You think I can sew?
Watson: Well enough that it gave you away.
Holmes: Half the masks we recovered bore these irregular stitches here, but only half. These defects bothered you enough to seek out a replacement bobbin for your antique machine.
Watson: You bought two at the Stitch-rite down in the Garment District. It's on tape.
Hugo: Go ahead, then, lock me up. I got some bobbins.
Holmes: And a KA-BAR military knife. We recovered that from the furnace at your mother's house. The leather handle and the blood evidence burned away, but the serrated edge may as well have signed your name on your victim's ribs.
Gregson: You want to give us your confession, help us help you, now would be a good time.

Gregson: Pat? Hey. No one told me you were here.
Deputy Commissioner Pat: Heard you were in the box, so I said I'd make myself at home.
Gregson: Yeah.
Pat: Close the door, would you?
Gregson: What brings you down?
Pat: Nothing bad.
Gregson: Is it something good? Because uh, that's some top-shelf Scotch.
Pat: I may not look like a fairy godmother, Tommy, but looks can be deceiving. You and I are gonna have a chat about the future of this unit.

Belinda: I heard you found 12 mites per hundred up at Hyde Park.
Everett Keck: Most of their hives won't make it. I've been doing fieldwork for the USDA for 15 years. I've never seen colony collapse numbers this bad.
Belinda: I've got friends in California say they're gonna lose 20, 25 percent. The winter was so cold that folks up here are gonna lose twice that.
Keck: Yeah.
Belinda: What do you think it is? Pesticides? Mites? What?
Keck: You know, I don't know. But we're gonna get to the bottom of it.

Belinda: Everett! What the hell have you done to my bees?! Oh, my God!

Officer Hayes (phone): No, sir. Understood. I will, sir.
Hayes: If you guys work for the USDA, why didn't you just say so?
Watson: We don't. My partner's on a beekeeping message board with a few of their researchers. They asked us to have a look since it's one of their colleagues that died.
Hayes: Guess I should apologize for the misunderstanding.
Holmes: Oh, that's quite all right, officer. It was very rude of me to save your life in such a brusque fashion.
Hayes: I'm not sure you saved my life. Yanked evidence out of my hand is more like it.
Watson: If he hadn't, you'd be suffering arrhythmia by now. If you kept smelling that egg carton, it would've killed you.
Hayes: Now, you said you could tell that thing was soaked in cyanide by the scent?
Holmes: From ten feet away.
Hayes: Okay. So, somebody dropped that in the guy's smoker, and then he goes off to comb the swarm and, poof, he's gassing the bees and breathing poison.
Holmes: An eloquent summation. You might wanna tell your colleague that the apiarist is not a strong suspect.
Hayes: The hell she isn't. She was the only other person out here when this thing happened.
Holmes: And, as far as Watson and I have been able to discern, utterly devoid of any motive, unlike the soulless corporate golem that is AgriNext.
Hayes: You think a company did this?
Holmes: Wouldn't be the first time they'd harbored a killer.
Watson: He's right. We found one there a few months ago. So, what makes you think they did this?
Holmes: Elevated levels of colony collapse disorder along the Northeast.
Watson: You putting that on AgriNext too?
Holmes: Everett Keck did. His notes strongly suggest that the company's neonicotinoid pesticides are the cause.
Hayes: So this guy was killed over some dead bees?
Holmes: A hundred million dead bees. The regional numbers are so anomalous that an international apiary summit has been convened at Garrison University to discuss the problem this week. Everett Keck's notes suggest he was willing to cut short that debate and lay the blame squarely at the feet of AgriNext.
Coroner: Officer, need a hand here!
Watson: So are you good here?
Holmes: I'm done here, actually. Why?
Watson: The Captain wants to see me at the station. He says he needs my help with something.

Watson: "Come by the office. No Sherlock"?
Gregson: Come in, come in. Close the door. I'm sorry for the cloak-and-dagger. It's just this is a little delicate.
Watson: Is everything okay?
Gregson: I've been offered a promotion.
Watson: Wow.
Gregson: Downtown likes the work we've been doing and they wanna bump me up to deputy chief.
Watson: That's incredible. Do I give you a hug?
Gregson: No, no, no. You can sit. This is not a done deal.
Watson: Well, but you're gonna say yes. Why wouldn't you?
Gregson: If I'm not leaving my people in good hands, I'm not leaving my people at all. Now, the name they've floated to replace me is Ann Vescey. She's a CO of the five-one squad, up in the Bronx.
Watson: Do you know her?
Gregson: I know of her. She's uh, got some heat. All the right people are fans. But I'm worried about her home base. The five-one had a property-room scandal a couple of years back, and although she wasn't implicated...
Watson: You want me to check her out.
Gregson: Yeah. A few of the guys there had a habit of skimming from a big coke bust that they had in property lockup. They were careful, took a little at a time. Long story short is IAB wasn't sure that they got everyone. Now, Major Crimes has the biggest discretionary budget short of Counterterrorism. I gotta know for sure that I'm not handing over the keys to someone with sticky fingers.
Watson: I get it.
Gregson: I would've asked you to bring Holmes, but...
Watson: It's delicate. I'm happy to help.

Jonah Chait: You told me on the phone this was about the Barbara Conway case.
Holmes: It seemed unlikely you'd be willing to talk about the real reason for my visit, so I lied. Sure you'll return the favor soon enough.
Chait: Heh. I don't understand the hostility, Mr. Holmes. You solved the murder of our CFO and one of our board members, and you still don't think we'd meet with you?
Holmes: Because this place is a malevolent hellmouth, and all who pass through it are complicit in an ongoing ecological onslaught. Or does AgriNext still deny that its pesticides are causing colony collapse disorder?
Chait: Of course it does. There's never been a credible link...
Holmes: So the company would have had motive to do away with someone who was trying to find the link. Everett Keck, for example. I doubt that anyone in this room committed the actual crime, but in a pit such as AgriNext, it takes time to determine where one snake ends and the next begins, so I'm going to give your executives as much warning as possible. Come forward with information, you may be spared.
Chait: You're right. About the company having an awareness of Mr. Keck. Naturally, we knew about the work he was doing for the ASI. We knew about his report. But trust me, nobody here needed to hurt him. We were well prepared to counter any claims he might make.
Holmes: Explain.
Chait: We invested in some oppositional research. As it turned out, Mr. Keck was academically underqualified for his position. He was a Buddhist seminary dropout. Also an abuser of recreational drugs. He also had problems at work. He made enemies. At one point, the USDA even had to suspend him. So I could probably provide you with the names of a few good suspects, but I'm afraid you haven't put me in a very generous mood. So I think I'd rather you just left.

Watson: Hi.
Holmes: Is the Captain leaving us?
Watson: Do you have his office bugged or something?
Holmes: So you don't deny it.
Watson: How could you...?
Holmes: Timing and context. The spring before an election is the N.Y.P.D.'s traditional housecleaning season. And it was only a matter of time before our clearance rate conferred glory upon the Captain. Not that he isn't deserving of it himself, of course.
Watson: You saw the personnel file.
Holmes: Lieutenant Vescey's name is familiar to me, as are most names within the department. It's not a great leap to imagine that the Captain would want to vet his potential replacement.
Watson: Do you know much about her?
Holmes: I know she's considered by many to be a rising star, but as for the woman herself, I've not had the pleasure.
Watson: She came up with a few bad apples. I'm supposed to find out if they rubbed off.
Holmes: Hmm.
Watson: That's it?
Holmes: What's it?
Watson: I tell you the Captain might be leaving, and nothing?
Holmes: Well, did you imagine he would remain a captain forever? Do you think Marcus will always be a detective? You and I exist outside of the bureaucracy of the department, and that is by design. Our colleagues are as vulnerable to promotions as they are to demotions, and we can do little but honor the former and mourn the latter.
Watson: And what if Captain Vescey doesn't think she needs a couple of consultants hanging around?
Holmes: Then she will reveal herself an idiot. And you and I shall find a new perch, presumably with the help of a newly promoted friend.
Watson: Oh. Looks like you opened up a satellite office for the Department of Agriculture in here.
Holmes: Twenty-five thousand species of bee, always much to learn.
Watson: Well, if you're planning on picking up where Keck left off, might be nice to solve his murder first.
Holmes: That, I believe, I may have already done.
Watson: I was gone for two hours.
Holmes: Our friends at AgriNext planned to run a smear campaign against Everett Keck. They claimed he had a drug problem and he'd been suspended from work. Keck's tox screen confirmed he was indeed a habitual marijuana user, and that he died with Viagra in his system. I inquired at the USDA as to his work troubles. Everett Keck received a week's paid leave whilst inquiries were made into accusations levied by a Poughkeepsie beekeeper named Darryl Jarvis.
Watson: This guy thinks that Keck killed his bees.
Holmes: By introducing deadly varroa mites into his hives. During the course of the investigation it became clear though that Darryl Jarvis was a paranoid schizophrenic. Some speculated that his claims were just results of delusions.
Watson: So that probably made Jarvis even angrier.
Holmes: If that wasn't enough, have a look at Mr. Jarvis' address. Everett Keck examined hives at an apiary across the street the day before he died.
Watson: So Jarvis would have had ample opportunity to tamper with the smoker.
Holmes: Seems like a man worth talking to.

Holmes: It's never wise to wait for rubbish collection, Mr. Jarvis. It's always better to burn the evidence.
Darryl Jarvis: What do you mean?
Holmes: The ground apple seeds you used in preparation of your cyanide, the other half of the egg carton you soaked in it.
Watson: You stuffed the other half in Keck's smoker yesterday when he was working across the road.
Jarvis: I couldn't sleep. That's why I answered the door so fast. I was lying in bed, thinking about turning myself in. The minute I heard it worked, I wished I hadn't done it. Even after what he did to my hives. Even after no one believed me. You think I'm crazy too, don't you?
Holmes: We're aware of your condition.
Jarvis: I'm a schizophrenic. Means I'm in good shape for an insanity defense, right? I haven't gone off my meds in years. When I put that carton in Keck's smoker, I was in my right mind. Just like I was when I saw him put those mites in my hives. Just like I am now. Feel free to put all that in your report.
Holmes: Why would he have done it? Keck? Why would he have wanted to harm your hives?
Jarvis: I don't have any idea. I just know what I saw.

Holmes (phone): No, I'm a consultant with the N.Y.P.D. But a warrant could be arranged pursuant to my request. Or if you prefer, a formal summons could be issued in response to this needless obstruction. No, don't put me on hold...
Watson: Oh. That didn't used to be here.
Holmes: I'm on hold.
Watson: Oh, what's with the files? We closed Keck last night. I didn't dream that, did I?
Holmes: I think Darryl Jarvis was right. Everett Keck did kill his hives.
Watson: I thought the USDA investigated and they didn't find anything. They didn't, but they may have if bee stings didn't bear some resemblance to hypodermic marks.
Watson: What are you talking about?
Holmes: I rendered the latter with a pin. Can you tell the difference from the bee stings?
Watson: You're getting stung by bees on purpose?
Holmes: Obviously.
Watson: I don't have enough caffeine in my system to understand you right now.
Holmes: The Department of Agriculture never officially closed its investigation into Everett Keck. It simply withered on the vine when the supervisor in charge, Calvin Barnes, suffered a heart attack and subsequent anoxic brain injury. He took early retirement. The matter was dropped.
Watson: Okay.
Holmes: Calvin Barnes ran two marathons last year. His cardiovascular health was excellent. But it was reported he sustained several bee stings in the field on the day he collapsed. Some people thought that he suffered a delayed allergic reaction. I, myself, do not. I've been negotiating with the hospital that treated Mr. Barnes to release his records. When they do, I suspect his blood work will show elevated levels of potassium and chlorine.
Watson: Hold on. You're saying that someone poisoned him?
Holmes: To bring on the heart attack. Precisely. But the injection mark was lost amongst the bee stings.
Watson: So you think that Keck tried to kill his boss to cover up poisoning a few beehives?
Holmes: More than a few. I've come to believe that Everett Keck was not just studying colony collapse disorder. Everett Keck was colony collapse disorder incarnate. You might recall my recent concern over varroas in my own hives. These fears were born out of rumblings on BeeCircuit.com. Most of the talk on the spike of this season's colony death rate centred around the spread of deadly mites.
Watson: Okay, but I thought Keck was gonna prove it was pesticides.
Holmes: That's what his notes suggested, that's what he intended to report. But the data suggests that the parasites were appearing in greater-than-expected numbers everywhere he went.
Watson: Wait, you did all this overnight?
Holmes: You know I outsource arithmetic to Harland.
Watson: Okay, so that's Keck. And there are three other ASI researchers. He found more mites than the others.
Holmes: Many more. According to Harlan, the variance between Keck and his colleagues cannot be explained away by known confounds. The odds that Mr. Keck was not actively spreading varroa mites everywhere he went approaches one in 29,000.
Watson: So there isn't a spike in colony collapse disorder after all.
Holmes: Every dead hive is a tragedy. But outside of one nefarious USDA field researcher, no, the CCD baseline would not be inflated at all.
Watson: Why would he do something like this?
Holmes: I don't know. I'm fairly certain, however, he had help. The heart attack that almost killed Calvin Barnes occurred whilst Mr. Keck was doing his rounds in Connecticut.
Watson: He had a partner.
Holmes: We've solved one murder. Now we just have the remaining one hundred million.

Mrs. Barnes: I wish Cal was here to help explain this. I mean, really here.
Holmes: In short, Mrs. Barnes, we think that your husband was on the verge of uncovering a plot to kill off the Northeast's bee population.
Watson: Did he ever talk to you about someone named Everett Keck?
Barnes: Sure, he was looking into Everett around the time of his heart attack.
Holmes: We think that might have been more than just a coincidence.
Barnes: I don't understand. Are you saying that you think Everett did this to him?
Holmes: Not Mr. Keck, a partner whom we have yet to identify.
Barnes: Well, that actually makes sense. When I found Cal, that's what I thought too.
Watson: What do you mean?
Barnes: Well, just the things that I saw. This mirror was smashed. It had to be replaced. There was a bump on his head. I thought they were signs of a struggle. But the paramedics told me that sometimes this happens. Someone will have a heart attack, fall down, knock things over.
Holmes: So where was he lying when you found him?
Barnes: Right here, with his head towards the living room.
Holmes: All right. Here? Was this door open?
Barnes: No, it was closed.
Holmes: Closed. What about this gash in the molding here? Is that new? I think perhaps your husband fell against the door?
Barnes: No, that shouldn't be there. We had this place painted right before Christmas. It was perfect.
Holmes: Would you excuse me for a moment?
Watson: So, what do you think?
Holmes: I think there was a struggle that started here by the closet. And I'm now more certain than ever that Mr. Keck's partner injected a potassium chloride solution to stop Mr. Barnes' heart.

Detective Bell: None of our unsolved cases interesting enough, huh? Got me turning heart attacks into attempted homicides now?
Watson: Well, that's just one more case for the pile, but we are gonna help you close it.
Bell: CSU isn't. They just got back from Calvin Barnes' place. There's plenty of blond hair and fingerprints. But nothing you wouldn't expect in the home of two blond people with a golden retriever.
Holmes: The attack was four weeks ago. That foyer has been cleaned by housekeepers, if not the assailant himself.
Bell: You any closer to telling me why someone would want to kill a bunch of bees up and down the Northeast?
Holmes: Well, my most promising theory was that it was an attempt to manipulate the commodities exchange. New York is the second largest grower of apples in the United States. The business is reliant on pollination by bees, so it would most assuredly be impacted. But as it turns out, no one has been shorting the industry.
Bell: So you're back to square one.
Watson: Well, maybe one and a half. I have another theory. You know that apiary summit you were talking about at Garrison? Every researcher attending has motive.
Bell: How do you figure?
Holmes: Colony collapse rates have improved since 2011. Research funding has begun to dry up. This new scare could be the work of an academic rattling his tin cup.
Watson: It's worth a trip to New Jersey to find out, right?

Tara Parker: You seriously think someone from the USDA is behind these numbers?
Holmes: Evidence is quite compelling, is it not?
Tara: No. No way. You can't just write off a global issue because one guy went on a bee-killing spree.
Holmes: I share your concerns about colony collapse disorder writ large. I do. I have hives of my own. But your degree is in entomology, and the mathematicians have spoken.
Tara: Griff, come here. You should hear this. This is my husband, Griffin Parker. He's a professor here too. They think some USDA guy...
Watson: Everett Keck.
Tara: They think he was dropping mites in hives all over New York and Connecticut the past few months.
Holmes: The purpose of your summit is to study this year's spike in colony collapse disorder and find answers. We submit you might be holding those answers in your hands.
Griffin Parker: So this guy's, what, insane?
Holmes: Or just a canny fund-raiser.
Watson: We think he has a partner who may have a way to cash in on the higher CCD numbers. Do you know if any of your attendees are writing grant proposals to study the outbreak?
Tara: Offhand, no, but it's a safe bet someone is. Outcry for this summit has come from all corners. I mean, everyone is worried about what's happening here in the tri-state area, where it goes next year.
Griffin: Well, you're not wrong about the funds drying up. We're the only entomology department in the radius of the outbreak that had the cash to host this thing.
Holmes: To our point, many of your colleagues, less fortunate. It would be a great help to us if you could give us a list of your esteemed guests.
Tara: The people you're talking about are scientists, not murderers.
Holmes: The frequency of overlap between those two vocations might surprise you. Thank you. His Highness Sheikh Nasser Al-Fayed is making an appearance?
Tara: Supposedly.
Holmes: Nasser is an emir. He's a member of the royal family of Al Qasr in the United Arab Emirates. He's the black sheep. He's not trusted with state business like his brothers.
Griffin: He's also got the most expensive apiary on the planet. State-of-the-art hives.
Holmes: He's a recluse. Rumors on BeeCircuit.com are that he never leaves his family's estate.
Griffin: Well, I wouldn't either. He has almost 1,000 species. We were surprised he RSVP'd, but I guess he made the trip. He asked for a car service to pick him up in the city tonight.
Holmes: Staying here in New York?
Griffin: The Cardiff. Downtown.

Holmes: You keep checking your watch.
Watson: Yeah. I forgot how long it takes to get over the river. I managed to get a copy of the five-one's property-room log book. I'm supposed to meet a handwriting expert in 30 minutes. He's gonna tell me whether or not Ann Vescey has forged any signatures in it.
Holmes: You cohabitate with one of the foremost forensic-document examiners on the planet. You might have saved yourself the expense.
Watson: You're not supposed to know any of this, remember?
Holmes: Well, should you require a second opinion, I'll be at the Cardiff.
Watson: Oh, so, you're looking into that sheikh, right? He's loaded. So if he wanted money for research, why couldn't he just use his own?
Holmes: You're right, Nasser Al-Fayed and his family are indeed loaded. They stay that way thanks to their many business holdings. For example, they own several agribusinesses in Turkey, which would benefit greatly if New York's apple orchards were to suffer from underpollination.
Watson: Hmm. I guess I could think of worse reasons to kill 100 million bees.

Watson: Are you sure?
Handwriting Expert: Look at the bold garlands. The short, nubby arcades in the N's. Same hand, no question. Not what you wanted to hear, is it?
Watson: To be honest, I'm not really sure what I wanted to hear. Excuse me.
Watson (phone): Hey, did you talk to the sheikh?
Holmes (phone): I did not. No one's seen him in 24 hours.
Watson (phone): Did he check out?
Holmes (phone): Not exactly. Yesterday morning, guests on this floor were questioned by panicked Arab men wearing suits. Mr. Al-Fayed's bodyguards were trying and failing to locate him. This was troubling, so I availed myself of a maid's key card to have a look around his suite. I'm now reasonably certain the emir has been kidnapped.

Yusuf Al Shamsi: I was told you needed my assistance in contacting Sheikh Nasser. Now, this gentleman says that he has been kidnapped.
Gregson: You'll have to excuse my colleague, Mr. Al Shamsi. The N.Y.P.D. isn't ready to go that far. For now we consider this a missing-persons case. We were hoping that you would be able put us in touch with the sheikh's security detail.
Holmes: One of his guards, Rashid Musharakh, is of particular interest to us.
Shamsi: Why?
Holmes: Because we feel he may be responsible.
Watson: Every guest on the sheikh's floor was questioned. A few remembered a guard stationed outside his door two nights ago. Rashid.
Holmes: The next day, when all the other guards were rushing around in a panic, Rashid was nowhere to be seen, and now he just cannot be found.
Shamsi: And this hearsay is the basis of your contention that Mr. Musharakh absconded with his charge?
Holmes: There was no blood at the scene, no sign of a struggle. But then, there wouldn't be if Rashid had just walked him out of a fire exit.
Shamsi: Well, nor would there be if he just checked out and found alternate accommodations.
Holmes: A possibility. If he had not abandoned his epinephrine with the rest of his toiletries. It's prescribed for a deathly peanut allergy, and I doubt he would wilfully travel without it.
Watson: Do you have numbers for either of them, something we could trace?
Shamsi: I'm afraid it would be impossible to provide you with such information.
Gregson: Why is that?
Shamsi: Well, as you said, we can't say for certain a crime has been committed. Our UN mission does not exist to strong-arm our citizens into American police stations.
Holmes: A more likely explanation is that your government has already commenced negotiations for the sheikh's safe return.
Shasmi: On that point, among others, you are entirely mistaken. What I wish to know is why you sought an audience with the sheikh to begin with.
Holmes: We have questions regarding a plan to foment colony collapse disorder here in New York.
Shamsi: Are you actually suggesting that a member of our royal family is involved in a plot to kill American bees? And so this meeting has come to an ignoble end.
Watson: Please, Mr. Al Shamsi, we are not accusing anyone. We just want to talk to the sheikh.
Shamsi: If you will excuse me. I have a busy day at the mission.
Gregson: Uh, I'll walk you out.

Gregson: Anyone ever tell you you're not much of a statesman?
Holmes: Some statesmen have.
Gregson: What was that in there? What makes you think they're already negotiating to get the sheikh back?
Holmes: He didn't bat an eyelid when I told him a member of the royal family was kidnapped. I don't believe even the most gifted diplomat could maintain that kind of equanimity unless his office had already been contacted with demands.
Watson: Makes sense, right? The kidnapper has already had the sheikh for 24 hours. If the plan was to ransom him, why wait?
Gregson: What I'd like to know is what the hell any of this has to do with Everett Keck killing a bunch of bees. So you thought that the sheikh was his partner, right?
Holmes: It's a distinct possibility. How his abduction relates to the colony collapse hoax, whether it relates at all, is at the moment a Gordian knot of seemingly unrelated threads.
Gregson: Well, let's put the bee thing aside for now and find this Rashid guy. If he's got the sheikh, chances are he's got some answers too.
Holmes: We'll see how the detective is coming along.
Watson: I need a minute. Can you talk?

Gregson: I take it you're done looking into Ann Vescey?
Watson: I am. And as it turns out, you couldn't ask for a better replacement. Great boss, loved and respected by all of her people. And as far as that property-room scandal, the only discrepancy in the log that wasn't accounted for was the work of a female undercover, who has already taken forced retirement, so...congratulations. If you want to move on, you'll be leaving the 11th in good hands.
Gregson: Hmm. Okay.
Watson: You're having second thoughts? You know, I know a thing or two about big career changes. Maybe I can help.
Gregson: I love what we do. You, me, Marcus, Holmes, all of us, everyone. What we do for the city, the people that need our help, it's not just some report that shows up on my desk. I see it. I'm a part of this.
Watson: Whatever decision you make, I have no doubt it'll be the right one.

Bell (phone): That's right. We've been calling currency exchanges all over the city looking for Mr. Musharakh. Well, we don't know the guy he kidnapped is traveling with UAE dirhams, but he's a sheikh. "Stands to reason" is how one of my colleagues put it. Yeah, okay. Thanks.
Holmes: No luck on Staten Island?
Bell: Not a hot destination for vacationing emirs, apparently.
Holmes: He's not on vacation.
Bell: Yeah, well, I'm starting to feel like a telemarketer here.
Watson: I may have something. Atlas Exchange in Parkchester. A clerk there saw a man matching Rashid's description come in with 20,000 dirhams last night.
Holmes: Right, the detective and I will investigate posthaste.
Watson: Why do you get to go?
Holmes: Because I stood up first. And as tiresome as calling these establishments may be, one of us has to finish the list. We can't put all our eggs in one basket, can we?

Holmes: I've interviewed blind men who were better witnesses than that. Three of them. No, four.
Bell: Can't fault the owner for having a broken surveillance system.
Holmes: Of course I could. If it had been broken.
Bell: Footage was black.
Holmes: That man's fleecing his customers. He wiped the tape himself when he heard we were en route. Didn't want to hand us a record of his crimes.
Bell: Holmes.
Holmes: Indulge me a moment, would you?

Rick: Yeah, that might be the guy who was in here.
Holmes: Really?
Rick: Yeah.
Holmes: Because the watch in this photograph, the same one that you have on display here, could lift 100 of Nasser Al-Fayed's countrymen out of poverty, and he's probably got a drawer full of them, so I doubt that he pawned this one here in the Bronx.
Bell: You sure you didn't buy it off this guy? He was selling off the sheikh's assets up and down this block last night.
Rick: I can't be sure.
Bell: Look, man, we don't care if you didn't ask for proof of ownership.
Rick: Yeah, this was the guy, right here. Yeah, he brought in the watch.
Bell: How much he take for it?
Rick: Six. And a laptop in trade.
Bell: Now, I hope you're not gonna tell us your surveillance system's broken.
Rick: No. What, are you kidding? I've been robbed ten times in the last couple years. These cameras stop working, so do I.
Bell: You mind getting the tape from last night for us?
Holmes: I think we can do better than a tape. There's antitheft tracking software on all the electronic goods here.
Rick: Like I said, we've had robberies.
Holmes: Do you deactivate the software once a sale is made?

ESU Officers: Hands up. Get down now! Get on the ground. Give me your hands. Clear.

Watson: There wasn't any sign of the sheikh?
Bell: Nope. Still no answer at the UAE's mission. Nobody knows anything. And Rashid's got a bridge he wants to sell us.
Watson: What do you mean?
Bell: Rashid. Tell these people what you told me.
Rashid Musharakh: What? That I'm innocent? I told this man I did not take the sheikh. I don't know anything.
Holmes: Well, we might as well get a full account of what you don't know, so let's start at the beginning, shall we? Are you aware of a plot to spread colony collapse disorder in New York?
Rashid: Colony what?
Holmes: Do the names Everett Keck and Calvin Barnes mean anything to you?
Rashid: No. All I know is simple. Two nights ago, I was assigned to the emir's door. He was inside with a, a prostitute. His taste. Blond. Tall. A beauty mark above the lip. I never left my post, but in the morning, they were both gone. Vanished into thin air. I only ran because I know it makes no sense. The sheikh was my responsibility. If you turn me over, I'll be lucky to be buried with my head.
Holmes: We can't promise you anything, but the N.Y.P.D. can petition the DA for lenience and refugee status for helpful witnesses.
Bell: Hold up. You're buying this?
Holmes: I said earlier this case was a Gordian knot. This man has just given us a sword with which to cut it. When he says the sheikh and his courtesan vanished into thin air, I believe him. I also think I know where they materialized.

Tara: This is from BeeCircuit.com. It's a thread about the evolution of leafcutter bees. Why are you showing this to me?
Holmes: Page 4, Post 103. You'll see the moment that you decided to lure Sheikh Nasser Al-Fayed to the United States. You proposed a meeting in person.
Tara: This? This was just me being nice.
Bell: So nice he invited you to tour his hives in Al Qasr. "I'll fly you in. Ticket for one. You can't bring your husband."
Tara: I turned him down in the next post.
Holmes: Probably because you knew it would be easier to abduct and ransom him here, away from his family compound.
Tara: What?
Watson: Three nights ago, he disappeared, shortly after his guards let a prostitute matching your description into his hotel suite.
Tara: Please tell me you didn't ask me to come here just because I got some unwanted attention on a message board.
Holmes: You gave as good as you got. Privately, of course. I'm friendly with the moderator of BeeCircuit.com. You deleted your private messages, but he was able to dredge these off the server.
Watson: There are hundreds of messages. A dozen invitations to New York. You even dyed your hair blond after you found out that's what he likes.
Holmes: You were quite eager to show off your new look.

Griffin: No. I uh, actually hadn't seen these. But I was aware of them. Tara told me about the flirtation. But that's all in the past now. Our relationship is great.
Bell: Really?
Griffin: Yeah, we just booked a second honeymoon in Vietnam.
Holmes: A non-extradition country. How heartwarming. And all it took to bring you closer together was a kidnapping and an attempted murder.

Tara: So Griffin is in on it with me?
Holmes: Someone had to work the winch.
Tara: What winch?
Watson: The one that was attached to the balcony railing above the sheikh's room. Someone had to work it to haul you both up, away from Nasser's guards.
Holmes: It wasn't the third member of your cabal, Everett Keck. He'd been murdered the day before.
Tara: The guy who killed all those bees? Oh, so we're part of that thing now too?
Holmes: Your online seduction was not sufficient. The sheikh was unwilling to leave his kingdom. So knowing that his first passion was bees, you set in motion an apiary apocalypse.
Watson: Everett Keck caused a spike in CCD so drastic that the sheikh had no choice but to come to your summit.

Griffin: Killing bees to lure an oddball sheikh? Really?
Holmes: I admit, it's a plan almost too deranged to describe out loud, and yet it worked. Eventually.
Bell: Only real speed bump was Calvin Barnes. He was catching on to Keck, so while Keck alibied himself in Connecticut, you ambushed Barnes in his home and shot him up with potassium chloride to give him a heart attack.

Tara: I've never seen that man before. And I didn't do any of the things you say I did.
Bell: You should know we've got you and your husband on video checking into the sheikh's hotel the night he disappeared. We know you were in the room right above him. And we found damage to the railing where the winch was attached.
Holmes: You've gone back to your natural color. Did you do that after the kidnapping to avoid being identified?
Tara: Has anyone tried calling him?
Bell: Has anyone tried calling who?
Tara: The sheikh. I mean, sure, Griffin and I were at the same hotel. That's not a crime. You've obviously done a lot of work here. But has anyone actually talked to Nasser?
Holmes: Kidnapped men are difficult to get hold of.
Tara: Well, I think you should keep trying. In fact, I think you should try right now. Maybe you could spare yourself any more embarrassment.

Gregson: The United Arab Emirates and their spokesman, Mr. Al Shamsi, would like us to know that Sheikh Nasser is resting on his plane home and is unavailable for questioning.
Watson: They paid the ransom.
Gregson: But they're claiming he was never taken.
Bell: Why?
Holmes: Because if word gets out they negotiate with kidnappers, it'll be open season on their people. Cheaper in the long run to pretend none of this ever happened.
Gregson: Not to mention less embarrassing. They also said this was the last time they'd take any of my calls.
Holmes: Perhaps it's time to involve DHS. See if we can get a warrant to seek out any large transfers emanating from Al Qasr. We may be able to tell whether the Parkers secured their bounty in Switzerland or the Cayman Islands.
Gregson: Why?
Holmes: Justice?
Gregson: I'm familiar with the concept, but it's gonna be difficult to prosecute a crime where the victim is gonna swear it didn't take place.
Watson: They didn't just kidnap the sheikh. There's Calvin Barnes, the bees...
Gregson: Then get me some proof of any of it. Because as it stands now, I gotta cut the Parkers loose.
Holmes: If you do, they'll be on the next flight to Haiphong.
Gregson: Then you'd better hurry. Because I got no choice.

Watson: Okay, those are not evidence.
Holmes: Aren't they?
Watson: Of low self-esteem? Definitely. Of a crime?
Holmes: What did the lab have to say about the stray hairs found at Calvin Barnes' home?
Watson: Most of them belonged to his wife, a few to the dog, and there was one that was not a match for anyone. It was dyed blond, just like Tara Parker's hair.
Holmes: She was there the night he was attacked.
Watson: I would say we should get a DNA sample to confirm, but what would be the point? There's no proof that a crime was committed, and as far as the world is concerned, Calvin Barnes just had a heart attack.
Holmes: And as far as Sheikh Nasser is concerned, he was never kidnapped. The Parkers have a knack for committing crimes that cannot be identified as such. Probably why they'll spend the rest of their days sipping drinks on a Vietnamese beach.
Watson: They're not good. They're lucky.
Holmes: I don't disagree. Otherwise, Everett Keck would still be alive and they'd have to split their money three ways. As it is, they get to keep the whole pot.
Watson: You're not seriously gonna leave those up all night.
Holmes: Everett Keck. The day he died he was wearing a T-shirt that said "Buddhists do it to attain Inner Peace."
Watson: So?
Holmes: His autopsy report also revealed he'd taken Viagra the night before.
Watson: Okay, I'll bite. What does Buddhism have to do with erectile dysfunction?
Holmes: If I'm right, Watson, everything we want it to.

Bell: Mrs. Parker, do you understand your rights as they've been read to you?
Tara: Yes. What I understand is that you're desperate. Griff and I leave for our trip tonight. You want to delay us.
Watson: Funny you should mention Griff. He's the reason we're here. He gave you up this morning.
Tara: Sure, he did.
Bell: You don't believe us?
Tara: I know how this works. Right now some other cop is arresting him, saying I gave him up. You want us to turn against each other, but we won't. We didn't do anything.
Holmes: But you did, as a matter of fact. You both got master's degrees.
Tara: What are you talking about?
Holmes: Well, you both have your degrees in agriculture. But this scarlet academic hood that you're wearing denotes a degree in theology. It belongs to your lover, Everett Keck. Like many a theology major, Keck ultimately had to find work in another field. So he put his minor in entomology to good use, joining the USDA.
Watson: Your husband knew you were sending racy pictures to Sheikh Nasser. He was okay with that. What he wasn't okay with was you taking this one at Keck's house, wearing Keck's robe.
Holmes: Until this morning, he'd never taken a good look at this. But when we were able to procure this very robe from Keck's residence, along with dyed blond hairs from his shower and bed, Griff became quite talkative.
Watson: You got away with kidnapping the sheikh. You won't get away with what you did to Calvin Barnes.
Holmes: Or millions of bees.

Deputy Commissioner Pat: I don't understand. You're giving this back?
Gregson: I can't take the promotion, Pat. I'm grateful to you, to the commissioner. It's just not right for me. Not right now.
Pat: Tommy, offers like this don't come around every day.
Gregson: I get that. And I get that one may not come my way again. But the truth is the 11th is where I wanna be.
Pat: Youngest detective in the history of the 14th Squad. Head of Major Case at 40. Lacks ambition? Am I missing something?
Gregson: My ambition's being met. Right here.
Pat: I guess you're right. I should take this back. Moves like this, Tommy, people coming, people going, they get made two ways. Sometimes it's the carrot, sometimes it's the stick.
Gregson: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Pat: It means I've been around a long time. I think I know a lifeboat when I see one.
Gregson: Are you saying somebody wants me off this desk?
Pat: I just know that this came from on high. It was something that was supposed to happen.
Gregson: Why?
Pat: Maybe there are problems in the 11th you don't know about. Maybe Ann Vescey has more friends than you do. Or maybe I'm just wrong. It has been known to happen. Be happy here, Tommy. Just don't be comfortable.