|This page is a transcript for the Season Five episode Henny Penny the Sky Is Falling.|
Detective Bell: You got about ten seconds to reach a point with this before this water ends up on your head.
Sherlock Holmes: Describe the image I just put on the cabinet over there.
Bell: And I'm not allowed to move?
Holmes: You can, but remember Mr. Enriquez specifically stated that he was walking the punch bowl to the band shell, about to set it thereupon, at the moment he heard the gunshots. Also remember there was no evidence of spilled sangria, as would happen if someone in your position abruptly turned, found at the scene.
Bell: There's no way Enriquez saw the shooter. His statement's a lie. Think he's covering for someone?
Holmes: If by someone you mean himself. In the course of your investigation you discovered that the victim was a wanted wildlife trafficker. Wanted, most notably, for smuggling rare Galapagos iguanas out of Ecuador. Mr. Enriquez is from Ecuador. And in these photographs, from the day of the murder, I saw multiple scars on his arms consistent with those of Galapagos iguana bites. Trust me when I say I know of what I speak.
Bell: You think this was some kind of business dispute?
Holmes: I think that in light of Mr. Enriquez's false statement he's worth a second look.
Bell: A poop emoji?
Holmes: Oh, I thought it was ice cream. That's Deputy Chief Prosky, isn't it?
Bell: That's him.
Holmes: He's the Captain's boss, isn't he? Is there a problem?
Bell: Technically, he's the Captain's boss' boss, which means he's my boss' boss' boss, which means I'm gonna mind my own business. But thanks, now that I know you think something's wrong, I'm gonna be worrying, too. I'm gonna go spill this out. You should take down your "ice cream" before Prosky sees it.
Len: No, no, no, no, I'm not calming down! Our place is trashed!
Susan: Len, keep your voice down. Let her talk.
Shelley: We'll take care of everything, I promise. It's in your contract.
Len: I told you we did not need renters, okay? We should have paid for a house sitter.
Shelley: AwayKay carries insurance for just such situations. Guests we paired you with did all this damage, so we'll cover all the costs.
Len: Oh, really? You see this rug? It's an antique. Are they gonna give me 50 grand for it? No, that's what I thought. Look, I'm calling the cops, because this is vandalism.
Susan: AwayKaying is against the co-op charter. They could throw us out.
Len: And you knew that?
Susan: It was 11 grand a month, Len.
Len: Now, what the hell? What the hell is this, a fireplace poker or something? What were they doing in here?
Shelley: Wait, before you pull that out, let me get a photo for the insurance.
Len: That's in there pretty tight.
Susan: Len, will you stop it?
Len: Now, honey, could you get my tools?
Susan: You're gonna break the wall.
Len: What is in there?
Shelley: You're not getting that out of the wall, so...
Susan: Len, stop it! Stop it, please.
Joan Watson: Pretty sure we solved all those cases.
Holmes: You are right, we did.
Watson: So, why the trip down memory lane?
Holmes: Last night while I was at the precinct, I observed the Captain in a closed-door meeting with a superior officer. I could see they were reviewing a number of closed cases. I checked the file room to see which files had been pulled, and voila, our cases. Or, rather, a curious number of them.
Holmes: I'm attempting to determine why they were looking at these particular files and what they were discussing. Are we in hot water again? Has Internal Affairs turned its Orwellian eye on us once more?
Watson: So what if they have? We've weathered the storm before. It's not like we've broken any rules lately. Well, any more than usual.
Holmes: It's true. But wouldn't you rather know what kind of attack we have to defend ourselves against?
Watson: It could also be nothing.
Holmes: How could it be nothing?
Watson: Just because those weren't in the file room doesn't mean that they're the ones that they're looking at. And whatever it is, the Captain's got our back. So if it's something he thinks that we need to know, he'll tell us. I'm gonna make some breakfast. Do you want anything?
Holmes: It's Marcus.
Holmes (phone): Hello? Yes, we'll be right there.
Holmes: Well, at least we know we haven't been benched just yet. Make it breakfast to go, Watson.
Bell: Victim's name is Russell Cole. He owned this apartment. Super found him. Mr. Cole worked for Barrett White Capital, an investment firm.
Watson: He was a quant, quantitative analyst. Deep math guy. They use complicated formulas to analyze companies and then make investment recommendations.
Bell: No sign of forced entry. Looks like there was a struggle, though.
Watson: So, no one saw or heard anything.
Bell: Well, the folks next door had some noisy AwayKayers. They'd moved on, but the other neighbors didn't know that, so a few extra crashes and bangs were just ignored. Plus everyone thought Cole was out of town. They said they hadn't seen him in weeks. Overnight bag by the door is full of clothes. He must have just come home. Anyway, nobody shows up planning to commit a murder with a fireplace poker, so I'm thinking this wasn't premeditated. Cole let the person in, so maybe they knew each other and for whatever reason, things turned ugly.
Holmes: You're incorrect. About it not being premeditated. The killer came armed with this. It's a textured grip, so it might be hard to get prints, but it's worth a try. Magazine isn't seated properly. That weapon would have failed to fire.
Bell: Well, how'd you know to look under there?
Holmes: As you said, no one plans to commit a murder this way, and yet the specificity of the crime suggests it was planned. And that raises another possible scenario, the killer came better armed. A fight ensued, he or she was disarmed before grabbing the poker to finish the job.
Watson: What specificity?
Holmes: Timing of the attack. Just as Mr. Cole gets home. Plus the fact that, by appearances, the only other thing missing is his laptop. This bag is dusty, bleached by the sun, apart from this area here. Now, this bag comes with a removable laptop sleeve. It sits right there. So, if his laptop is missing, perhaps the killer has it.
Bell: Well, we haven't found it yet.
Holmes: Captain wants me to stop by for a word, as one does when one wants to discuss nothing.
Watson: Cole was a Wall Street analyst. His laptop could have contained a lot of things worth killing over, insider information, proof of a financial crime.
Bell: Well, you go talk to the Captain, we'll go to Cole's office, see if we can find out what he was working on.
Mitch Barrett: Oh, my God. This is horrible.
Watson: Were you and Mr. Cole close?
Mitch: Oh, Russell didn't just work for me. He was family. He started here right out of school.
Bell: Can you think of any reason someone might have wanted to kill him?
Mitch: I, I mean, people get angry at us all the time. Threaten us. We give a company a poor rating, millions of dollars disappear. But nothing like this.
Watson: Was there anything that Russell was working on in particular that might have aroused threats?
Mitch: I'm sorry, you seem pretty sure he was killed because of work. Is there a reason?
Bell: We think a laptop was taken from his apartment. Could be whatever he had on it is what the person was after.
Mitch: Well, the truth is I have no idea what he was working on. Russell specialized in tech, medicine, I.T., aerospace, but as to what he was into at any given moment, I...he was my mad genius. He'd beat the bushes on his own, look for opportunities no one else saw. Go off somewhere private, deep dive into a company's numbers. I gave him a long leash because he always came back with gold.
Bell: Was he on one of these deep dives the last few weeks? His neighbors said he hadn't been home. Any idea where he went?
Mitch: No clue. Oh. My wife is gonna be devastated.
Watson: Is that her?
Mitch: Laurie. She won a trip to Maui in some charity thing. She took a girlfriend. I want to help any way I can. What do you need?
Bell: Well, we'd like to go through Mr. Cole's office, see if can figure out what he's been working on. We'd also like access to his e-mails and correspondence so we could look for any threats.
Mitch: I'll walk you over there myself.
Captain Gregson: Oh, oh come in. Sit down.
Holmes: Should I be concerned?
Gregson: Relax. I had a hunch you picked up a vibe last night and I didn't want you in your head about it. The meeting that you saw, it wasn't, uh, what you think.
Holmes: Well, I haven't decided what I think, but go on.
Gregson: Did you ever hear of, uh, Medal Day?
Holmes: Mm-hmm. Annual NYPD tradition. The uh, mayor and the police commissioner give out medals to officers for valor, distinguished service. Not to mention purple shields for those injured in the line of duty.
Gregson: They also give out something called a unit citation to squads that have done exemplary work, and this year they're giving one out to Major Case. The ceremony's in a few days.
Holmes: Well, that's well deserved. Congratulations.
Gregson: I wasn't gonna say anything to you and Joan because it still might not happen, but civilian employees are included in the award, and I want your names on the list. It isn't money or anything, you'd just be part of the department's official record and you'd each get a certificate. Something to hang on the wall.
Holmes: I see.
Gregson: I have been getting some resistance. I thought you should know about it.
Watson: Mrs. Barrett.
Laurie Barrett: Oh.
Watson: I don't mean to startle you. I'm Joan Watson. I work with the police. I'm investigating the murder of Russell Cole.
Laurie: Yes, my husband told me.
Watson: Your husband has a photo in his office of you at a luau. I noticed there was something blocking the lens in one corner. I had an idea what it was, so I looked into it. That picture was taken on Russell's phone. His case was broken, and a piece of plastic was sticking out over the camera. Police thought it had been damaged during the murder. But then I remembered seeing a picture at his place with the same obstruction. So the case had been broken for some time. Russell was the friend you took to Maui. You were having an affair. And considering your husband has a memento from the trip, I'm guessing he doesn't know.
Laurie: No, he, he doesn't. And I swear, I had nothing to do with what happened to Russell. I'm a wreck about it.
Watson: Right now you're not a suspect. But I need some information from you, we're trying to find out where Russell had been staying the last few weeks. Police checked his car and his credit cards. They're pretty sure that he didn't drive too far outside the city. Now, you went all the way to Maui with him. So I thought maybe he'd taken you to the place where he does his deep dives.
Laurie: He has a, a cabin near Bear Mountain. It's about an hour upstate.
Holmes: Copious amounts of poison ivy around. Watch your step.
Watson: How'd you get here before us?
Holmes: You'll recall I know the owner of a helicopter company. There was one going this way. I hitched a ride.
Bell: You been inside?
Holmes: No. I just got here a short while ago. Plenty to keep me occupied out here. So, only one vehicle has left recent tire tracks. The tread matches that of Russell Cole's. And, likewise, the only recent footprints are his.
Watson: So he was here, and he didn't have any visitors.
Bell: Guess he didn't like mixing business with pleasure. I mean, besides sleeping with the boss' wife.
Bell: I'm no expert, but this doesn't look financial. More like science. Stuff about masses and radii and reflection coefficients.
Watson: You're right. These are physics equations.
Holmes: Astronomy, to be exact.
Bell: Okay, so Cole was up here stargazing. What does any of this have to do with Wall Street?
Holmes: That's difficult to say. But I do think I understand what he was killed over. Nothing less than the fate of life on Earth.
Gregson: So, all these dots are asteroids?
Holmes: An approximation of them, yes. Not all asteroids in existence, of course. Obviously, there are hundreds of millions of those. These are the 5,000 or so that NASA has deemed potentially hazardous, those whose orbits intersect with the Earth's and therefore pose a threat of cataclysmic collision. Such a collision wiped out the dinosaurs, along with most other life at the time. Any one of these dots could represent the next such event, which would be the last event in human history.
Gregson: But there are only 5,000 of them, so that's reassuring.
Holmes: Emphasis on potentially hazardous. But brace yourself, because that existential knot of terror you're feeling in your stomach is about to grow tighter.
Watson: A week ago, Cole submitted a paper to a science blog, saying that he believed the whole way we're looking for asteroids is wrong.
Gregson: "Miscalculating Near-Earth Asteroids and the Threat to Human Existence"?
Watson: He wrote that scientists have detected thousands of new asteroids in the last few years. But according to him, our measurements of their sizes are useless.
Holmes: And when it comes to protecting the human race from an extinction-level impact, obviously size matters. It's not just enough to know that an asteroid is there. We need to know which ones are the big ones.
Gregson: So that, what, Bruce Willis can go nuke it?
Watson: Surprisingly, yes. We've been reading up on this stuff today, there are proposals in the works to send rockets to asteroids, to nudge them or even blow them up.
Gregson: So was Cole right? Are we measuring them wrong?
Holmes: No idea.
Gregson: Do we have any idea why a Wall Street guy was studying this stuff in the first place?
Watson: We don't.
Gregson: So where does all this put us? Sounds like you're not even sure this is what got him killed, let alone why.
Holmes: The technical minutiae of the paper are beyond my expertise. I'm at something of a loss.
Holmes: Well, there's an expert in the field I consult from time to time. But doing so is never really my first choice.
Gregson: Well, I'm gonna make it easy for you. Do it. And not just to solve this murder. If the world is coming to an end, I want to know about it.
Julius Kent (video): We scientists estimate that our universe is 14 billion years old. Ever wonder how we know? Actually, in a number of ways. One of them is by measuring the radiation that's left over...
Watson: "Julius Kent, Ambassador to the Cosmos." He's on TV all the time. He's famous.
Holmes: Yep. Celebrity astronomer. Because apparently the world needs science explained to it with jazz hands. We were at boarding school together. He was every bit the blowhard then that he is now. Ten years ago, he helped me time a break-in to coincide with a solar flare. The radio interference enabled me to avoid detection. It was good.
Watson: So why didn't you want to call him?
Holmes: Because every time I ask for his help, he gloats.
Watson: Oh, how did that conversation with Gregson go? Are we fired again?
Holmes: The opposite, of sorts. The Major Case Squad is receiving a commendation, and he's lobbying to have us included. Thanks to our habit of keeping our names out of official reports, or at least minimizing our roles, he's having trouble convincing the honor committee.
Watson: Well, however it goes down, it's nice that he's sticking his neck out for us.
Holmes: I'd rather he didn't. I eschew such recognition, Watson. You know that. I've reminded the Captain of such, but he's persisting. So I initiated other steps.
Watson: "Other steps." You know what you could do? You could just say thank you, like a normal human being.
Kent: Sherlock. And this must be Joan.
Watson: It's a pleasure. Sherlock never said that you two knew each other.
Kent: Yes. I'm not surprised. My very existence seems to embarrass him. You know, if it weren't for me, our friend Sherlock would still think that the Sun revolves around the Earth.
Holmes: I was eight when I made that mistake. You chose to wear that vest this morning.
Kent: It was a gift from a fan. How could I resist?
Holmes: With self-respect.
Kent: So, Russell Cole and his Asteroid Admonition.
Watson: Sherlock said that you were already aware of his paper?
Kent: It made quite a splash in my circles. Come, I'll explain it to you. In layman's terms, of course.
Kent: So, in a nutshell, asteroids are warmed by the sun. They're very hard to see by conventional means, so instead we look for their heat, using infrared. And, theoretically, we can tell the difference between a large warm object and a small one, i.e., the size of the asteroid.
Watson: Makes sense so far.
Kent: But according to Russell Cole, this fails to take into account what the asteroids are actually made of. Some are mostly carbon, others more iron, many even contain platinum and gold. Which means that some asteroids have dull, dark surfaces and others have light, shiny ones. And I'm sure even Sherlock can tell us the effect that that would have.
Watson: Dark surfaces get hotter than light ones.
Kent: Which, if Cole is right, means that we've been seeing asteroid sizes all wrong.
Holmes: Was he right?
Kent: No one knows. Cole was a fine mathematician, but astrophysics wasn't really his field. His paper was rife with errors and incomplete work. It'll take the community months to reach a consensus. I'll help, of course.
Holmes: The world will sleep easier. Cole mentioned in his paper that he was working on a solution. Can you think of anyone who would want to stop him?
Kent: Well, naturally. Anyone whose livelihood depends on the current methods of determining asteroid size. Because of Cole's paper, NASA's already shelved one proposal. An orbiting infrared telescope called Piazzi. And much of the equipment would have been bought from small private companies. Those companies have just lost their prime source of income.
Watson: Maybe someone associated with them killed Cole in anger. So how much money are we talking about?
Kent: The total budget for Piazzi? Around $500 million.
Watson: You really thought the Sun revolved around the Earth?
Holmes: I was eight.
Watson: It's Marcus.
Watson (phone): Hey. We're both here.
Bell (phone): Just got a message about a call that came in. A waitress up in New City recognized Cole on the news. Said he was in her diner a bunch of times over the last few weeks. That's a long drive from his cabin for coffee, no?
Watson (phone): It's halfway between here and Bear Mountain. Maybe he was meeting someone?
Bell (phone): That's as good a guess as any. All she told the detective who talked to her was she thought Cole behaved strangely. I figure it's worth a drive to check it out.
Holmes (phone): Watson will join you presently.
Watson: Just me?
Holmes: A waitress who may have seen Cole leave his cabin for meals, both of us checking that out seems a little excessive. Thanks to Julius, we now have a concrete theory of motive. A dozen companies lost millions upon the death of Piazzi. One of us should stay behind and start combing through them.
Watson: You could work in the car, you know.
Holmes: I also have an appointment to keep here in the city.
Waitress: That's him. Came in once every two or three days, always right between lunch and dinner.
Watson: Did you ever see him meet with anyone while he was here?
Waitress: He always ate alone, didn't talk to anyone.
Bell: When you called, you mentioned some kind of strange behavior. Can you tell us what you meant?
Waitress: It might be nothing. But I saw he was murdered. And you know what the news always says, see something, say something. He always had a laptop with him, but he never used it in here. After he'd eat, he'd take it out there to the parking lot. He'd do a little work on it, just standing over there, by the wall, and then get in his car and go. Customers work in here all the time. We encourage it. Why'd he need to go outside?
Bell: Maybe Cole was looking for a Wi-Fi signal. Could have been hacking into a business, maybe one inside this building.
Watson: I don't think that's it.
Bell: Is that a thumb drive? Looks like someone drilled a hole so they could bury it in the mortar.
Watson: I think it's a dead drop. I've seen it done like this before. It's so two parties can exchange data without leaving a trail online. I don't think Cole was out here looking for a signal. I think he was plugging his laptop into that to get information on and off of it.
Bell: I think I've got some tools in my car.
Holmes: Thank you for seeing me. Do I address you by the full "Deputy Chief Prosky", or just "Chief Prosky"?
Deputy Chief Prosky: Come on. After all Tommy Gregson has told me about you and your partner, you can call me anything you want. What can I do for you?
Holmes: Um, I'd like to talk to you about your conversations with Captain Gregson, and about Medal Day.
Prosky: Fire away.
Holmes: Well, first of all, I would like to say, that, uh, I have the greatest respect for the men and women in blue, and commendations for service are not something I take lightly.
Prosky: No argument here. But um, if you don't mind, Mr. Holmes uh, let me jump in here. It sounds like you know that Tommy has put us in a tough spot. Now, under perfect circumstances, including you in a Unit Citation would be uh...well, unorthodox. And on top of that, you and Ms. Watson have had your share of uh, controversy, to say the least. The Honor Committee is not saying no, yet, but we may not be able to square it.
Holmes: I think you'll be relieved by what I have to say. Respectfully, I'd like to bow out of consideration. I tried to persuade the Captain to rescind his request, but uh, to no avail. So instead, I um, I've compiled a list of technicalities, which, I think, the department could invoke. Any one of them should compel the Captain to withdraw, whilst keeping me out of it, and allowing you to tell him that you did your best.
Prosky: Uh, boy...you and your partner need to get straight what it is you want.
Holmes: I beg your pardon?
Prosky: Your partner. She was all for it when she was in here.
Holmes: My partner.
Holmes: Was here.
Gregson: This is everything you found on the thumb drive?
Watson: These messages, plus multiple drafts of Russell Cole's paper. He didn't write it by himself, he had a partner who helped. They went over every detail together, word by word.
Gregson: This partner have a name?
Bell: They didn't use names when they communicated, which makes sense, they were already using a dead drop to keep their partnership a secret.
Gregson: Here's what I don't get. You talked to someone who said that that paper was full of sloppy work. Now, we find out two people went over it with a fine-tooth comb.
Watson: Well, that's the thing, it looks like all these mistakes were deliberate. They wanted it to take months for experts in the field to untangle. The paper was designed to kill the Piazzi telescope project.
Gregson: The one that's worth half a billion dollars.
Bell: Cole's partner was the instigator. He promised to pay Cole big time for publishing the paper. But check out the last couple of messages.
Gregson: He was upping the price. Cole wanted more money.
Bell: The partner agreed to talk about it, and told him to come back into the city. They were gonna meet at Cole's apartment two nights ago.
Gregson: The night Cole was murdered.
Watson: We've been thinking someone who was hurt by Cole's paper killed him in anger, but it turns out, he may have been killed by whoever hired him to write it.
Mitch: Is this how you people conduct your business? You lie to someone who does nothing but cooperate. Lure me here under false pretenses.
Bell: We told you we had some questions about the case, we're asking them.
Mitch: You didn't tell me I was a suspect. I loved Russell like a brother. Why would I have killed him?
Watson: The paper Cole published was hand-crafted to kill a NASA project. It cost multiple private companies millions. We think it was market manipulation.
Bell: You said yourself how your quants can destroy a company, and you were in the perfect position to conspire with Cole.
Holmes: Based on our research, the likely target was a telescope manufacturer named Cygnus Optics. Their value's plummeted as a result of the shelving of the Piazzi project, creating an ideal investment opportunity. One that you have taken advantage of. Knowing the company to be fundamentally sound, you'll be confident that its value will recover.
Watson: Once the paper was published, you told Cole to lie low. You wanted him to stay in his cabin, supposedly working on a solution, so that he would be unavailable to answer questions while the damage took hold.
Bell: Then Cole got greedy. Asked for a bigger cut. Told him to come back to his apartment, where you killed him. You took his laptop, so no one would find the messages you'd been trading. And we figure you would have picked up the thumb drive in New City eventually, but who knows? It was well hidden. Probably, you just figured no one would find it.
Mitch: You're right about one thing. I invested in Cygnus Optics. You would have, too, after the nosedive it took. But I didn't know anything about Russell writing a phony paper. He was killed on Monday night, right? What time?
Bell: M.E. puts it between 7:00 and 9:00.
Mitch: I had a dinner. We were going over a new IPO. A dozen witnesses can put me there. You don't believe me when I say I cared about Russell. You think I only care about money. So fine, let's talk about money. I told you before, he was my golden goose. Look at my annual reports over the last eight years. They're all on file with the SEC. Count up how much money he was worth to me over time. You said Russell wanted his partner to pay him double? I would have given him ten times what he was asking. Twenty. It would have been easy. You want to arrest me? Fine. But you're gonna embarrass yourselves. You've got the wrong guy.
Gregson: Cutting Cole's boss loose?
Bell: For now. We're not liking him as much as we did an hour ago. He gave us an alibi, I'm gonna check it out.
Gregson: Are we still thinking this is all about tanking a telescope company?
Watson: Cygnus Optics is still our best theory, but if Mitch Barrett didn't have anything to do with it, we have to find out who else had reason to hurt them.
Holmes: One project's $500 million loss could be another's gain. Now, whilst researching the information that Julius Kent gave us, I identified somebody who could speak to all the asteroid-hunting projects in consideration. Congresswoman Kristen Salazar, from New York's 31st District. She sits on the House subcommittee for space and science funding. Turns out she's in her Manhattan office all this week.
Gregson: You're thinking talk to her, see if any other suspects jump out.
Holmes: When I attempted to contact her several times earlier in the day, my calls went unreturned. So I asked Julius to try and leverage his celebrity, see if he could get her attention. And she made space in her schedule first thing tomorrow.
Congresswoman Salazar: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I was on a call. It's always a madhouse around here.
Watson: Of course.
Salazar: I see you've already met my science advisor, Grant, which is good because he's the expert on all this.
Grant Huber: Everyone, please.
Watson: I'm sure you heard that we are investigating the murder of Russell Cole?
Huber: Of course. He wrote the paper that forced us to mothball Piazzi.
Salazar: It's simply tragic. And whether his assertions turn out to be right or wrong, clearly Mr. Cole had a singular mind.
Holmes: In ways that you may be unaware. We've discovered evidence that Mr. Cole undermined Piazzi intentionally. So we'd like to know who profits from his actions.
Huber: I don't understand. Are you saying we were played?
Holmes: In so many words.
Watson: The $500 million that would have gone to Piazzi, is it going to be allocated to a different project?
Salazar: No, no, the money doesn't go anywhere, it just doesn't get allocated. But I think you're missing the bigger picture. That paper hurt all asteroid-hunting projects equally.
Huber: Obviously, there are competing projects that would have loved to cut ahead, but they all rely on the same principles that Cole's paper attacked.
Holmes: They all failed to take into account what asteroids are made of.
Huber: According to his paper, everyone is making the same mistake, so all proposed projects are on an indefinite hold. I mean, if what you're saying is true, Russell Cole has done something catastrophic. Whatever his motives, his paper raised real, legitimate questions. We can't un-ring that bell now. We've gotta let the peer review play out.
Salazar: And government funding doesn't come easily, especially not for space research. Even if the experts decide that he was wrong, it could take a decade to get asteroid research back on track.
Watson: Contemplating the mysteries of the universe?
Holmes: Just one, actually. I've developed a new theory of the crime, which I'm liking more and more.
Watson: Why do you smell like a banana muffin?
Holmes: Oh, its a paste of oatmeal, baking soda, banana peel, and goldenseal root. It's a homemade anti-itch remedy. I seem to be developing a rash.
Watson: Well, you must have touched some poison ivy when you were up at Cole's cabin.
Holmes: I most certainly did not.
Watson: You were walking around outside before we arrived.
Holmes: I'm the foremost expert on poisonous plants you'll likely ever meet. I did not touch poison ivy.
Watson: Proof is in the oatmeal. So what's your theory?
Holmes: Since leaving Congresswoman Salazar's office, I've been thinking about what she and Mr.
Huber told us. That the effect of Cole's paper was to delay the hunt for asteroids for as much as a decade. I started wondering if that was the point.
Watson: So you think someone wants us all to be killed by a giant rock?
Holmes: My theory is much more out there, so to speak.
Watson: I'm all ears.
Holmes: What if what was bad for asteroid hunting was good for asteroid mining?
Watson: Excuse me?
Holmes: There's gold in them there rocks, Watson. Platinum, too. Lots of it. Just as Julius said.
Watson: Yeah, but nobody's gonna be able to fly a ship to an asteroid until sometime in the 2020s.
Holmes: A crucial element to my theory. Come on.
Watson: Michael Hines, CEO Aurum Aeronautics. Barbara Torrissi, CEO Exterral Dynamics. I thought everyone was hurt equally by Cole's paper.
Holmes: I no longer think that's true. Combined, those four companies are investing billions towards the long-term prospects for asteroid mining. The world's governments are also investing in missions to asteroids, which greatly reduces the cost to those companies. Governments, however, they're driven only by their fear of asteroid impact. NASA, for example, cares only about saving the human race, not about mining for rare metals. And the truth is the chances that anything really bad is going to hit us anytime soon is infinitesimal. The last extinction-level impact was 66 million years ago. Even an event that would be locally devastating, the loss of a city, for example, that only comes along every 5,000 years. Decade here or there, meaningless.
Watson: So you think experts are mapping out asteroids too quickly. If they finish, and it turns out the world is safe for the foreseeable future, the governments will cut off the funding.
Holmes: Which gets one or more of these CEO's motive to slow things down. Cole's paper creates a fog of uncertainty, humanity's fear of the unknown is prolonged, and they get to ride that rocket of terror to their gold mine in the sky.
Watson: You're right. It's out there. But it makes sense. As long as whoever it is doesn't mind rolling the dice. If we're all wiped out by an asteroid in the next few years, they're gonna feel pretty silly.
Holmes: Mmm. I'm certain that they're certain the odds are in their favor. Oh, speaking of being blindsided, I had a meeting with Deputy Chief Prosky yesterday.
Holmes: You've known about the unit citation for weeks, why didn't you say anything?
Watson: Well, because I knew you'd be against it.
Holmes: So you knew I'd object yet you conspired with the Honor Committee's inquiry nonetheless.
Watson: And this is why I did not bring it up.
Holmes: I want to show you something.
Watson: I didn't conspire. The Honor Committee called about a week ago. You weren't here. I went to Prosky's office, answered some questions. That's it.
Holmes: What's this?
Watson: It's your one-year sobriety chip.
Holmes: Yeah, and what's this? Also my one-year sobriety chip. One is my first one-year chip, the other is my second one-year chip.
Holmes: So they're indistinguishable. These awards, these ribbons, trinkets, they're, they're just symbols, they don't matter. Not really. The work we do does. The work is all that matters.
Watson: If symbols matter so little to you, why are you so against accepting a certificate? Captain Gregson wants to do something nice for us. He's also our friend. I appreciate it. I'd like to let him. So where's the harm?
Holmes: It's the camel's nose in the tent, Watson.
Holmes: It's a slippery slope. I saw it during my time at Scotland Yard. The reason I refused to accept any official police credit is that once I allow it, there's no official line as to where it stops. And then soon I begin to eclipse the whole department. And, and resentment and its inevitable harm to working relationships quickly follows.
Watson: So you don't want to accept any credit because the truth is you deserve too much credit.
Holmes: The work we do is too important to jeopardize.
Watson: I give up. I'm going to bed.
Watson: I assume that's not you bringing me breakfast in bed.
Holmes: I thought you might need some of my remedy, I was wrong.
Watson: So you checked me for poison ivy in my sleep? That is not creepy.
Holmes: I had no need to look anywhere other than your arms. You appear to have been unexposed. My own rash, however, has spread.
Watson: You still sure you didn't touch any?
Holmes: I am.
Watson: Then how could you have a rash?
Holmes: I continued working after you went to bed last night, poring over information on the four asteroid mining companies. I believe I've not only identified a suspect, but also the explanation for my rash. I maintain I did not come into contact with poison ivy, but you and I have come into contact with Russell Cole's killer.
Watson: Oh. Marcus just called. The police got permission to go ahead. So we should head out soon. I also heard from the deputy chief's office. They're including us in Medal Day. The Captain is gonna go on behalf of the squad, and then he's gonna bring back the certificates to hand out at the station.
Holmes: What would you do, Watson, if you knew the world was ending in, say, one month's time? Hmm? Indulge me. An asteroid 20 miles wide is hurtling towards us as we speak.
Watson: You made your point last night, okay? We would both continue doing our jobs to the very end. The work we do is important.
Holmes: I think I could have done a better job explaining why it's important. At least explaining why it's important to me. When you and I first started I quickly recognized your merits, both as a detective in your own right and in that you facilitated my own process. I'm better at the work I do because of you. But over the years the relative importance of those two values has flipped. I now value the work that we do, first and foremost, because I do it with you. So if at times I seem overprotective of the system that we've built, if I worry that the resentments of others might disrupt it I have good reason.
Watson: Those chips you showed me last night you don't accept them for yourself. You accept them because you're part of a group. You accept them because the work you did to stand up at a meeting inspires others. It's bigger than you. Or us. So you show up. I'm gonna go get ready.
Holmes: Mr. Huber. Thank you for coming.
Huber: Mr. Holmes, Miss Watson. I got a call from Julius Kent. Are you meeting him here, too?
Watson: We asked Julius to invite you here. We'd seen how much influence he has, so we knew you'd come. It's so police could search your office, with Congresswoman Salazar's permission, of course.
Huber: Why do the police want to search my office? Why not just ask? I'd have let them.
Holmes: You're confident you have nothing to fear because you think there's no evidence there of you having murdered Russell Cole. You are wrong.
Huber: You think I killed Russell Cole?
Watson: We do. After the two of you wrote that paper together.
Huber: That makes no sense. What possible reason would I have to sabotage the funding I helped get?
Holmes: You're referring to the funding for asteroid hunting. As it happens, we've shifted our focus more towards asteroid mining. While looking into the companies involved in that, a familiar name kept recurring. Prior to your current job with Ms. Salazar, you were a lobbyist with deep ties to those companies. We believe it was in that capacity that you first met Mr. Cole. He conducted an analysis of one of your clients. His calendar showed a number of dinner dates between the two of you.
Watson: You also helped get legislation passed giving those companies the right to mine asteroids. And based on your social media photos, you spend way too much money for a public servant. Which indicates that your former employers are paying you to make sure that government decisions go their way. And most recently, that included you killing Russell Cole.
Huber: You people are crazy. Do you have even a shred of proof to support any of this?
Holmes: That brings us to the search currently underway at your office. At some point after the crime, you brought Russell Cole's laptop there. The case was covered in urushiol. It's the oil which comes from poison ivy leaves. You'd be surprised at how easily that oil transfers from one surface to another. For example, you put the case on your couch. I sat there, and my skin reacted to the toxins.
Huber: I, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have poison ivy.
Watson: Assuming that's true, it is possible that you are in the 20% of people who are not sensitive to it. Either way, police are taking your couch to the lab to collect oil samples.
Holmes: They're also showing your photograph around a diner in New City. I think it's only a matter of time before you're recognized.
Watson: If you want to cooperate, and share the names of the people who hired you to conspire with Cole, now is your chance.
Holmes: In case you're wondering, urushiol contains DNA. So a definitive match between the oil on your couch and the plants at Cole's cabin will be attainable. I should say, might be. I'm not sure of the odds, but I think they're better than an asteroid showing up to put you out of your misery.
Gregson: I've been a cop more than 30 years now. I've seen this city go through its share of ups and down. Crime rates rise and fall. People get along or they don't. These days, you watch the news and it can feel like everything's falling apart. And I don't mean just here. Bad stuff happening all over, cops getting killed. Makes it tough some mornings to want to get out of bed. Not that the bad guys will ever take a day off. Now I don't say all this to bring everybody down, I say all this because I want you to know what gets me out of bed in the morning. What gets me back here, at work, doing the job, every day. You guys do. All of you. This squad is the finest group of men and women I've ever had the honor to serve with. And that's not just a line. It's what our clearance rate says. That's why it was important for me that you all got recognized today. Because the extraordinary work you do, day in, day out, it, it amazes me. This team, this family, you guys are what keep me going. So, do me a favor, would you? Give yourselves a hand?