|This page is a transcript for the Season Five episode Render, and Then Seize Her.|
Captain Gregson: Let's see. "You can light up a room." That's not a fortune!
Paige Cowan: Eh, I know. They're all like that now. They're compliment cookies. Course, I'm gonna think about this much differently if you get lit on fire someday. So be careful.
Gregson: Maybe we ought to switch it up next week. No false advertising when it comes to pizza.
Paige: "Good test results will soon be yours." Wow.
Gregson: Let me see that.
Paige: It says "You're a joy to know." Ah, I hope you're not this gullible when it comes to interrogations.
Gregson: There aren't many suspects I like as much as I do you. You'll call me tomorrow when the lab results come in?
Gregson: All right.
Paige: But I can tell you I feel really good.
Gregson: You feel good to me, too.
Paige: Don't work too late.
Paige: Um, excuse me. Hi. We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Paige Cowan. I've seen you around here, and wanted to come say hi.
Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, you're the Captain's uh, girlfriend. Yeah uh, Sherlock Holmes. Delighted.
Paige: Sorry to interrupt whatever you're doing.
Holmes: Oh, no. No need to apologize. I'm just, um, I was just aping the expression of notorious horse thief, Wyatt Feldon. It's an experiment to see how long I have to maintain his countenance before it affects my mood and, uh, mindset.
Holmes: Uh, you were a police officer once. Do you retain any of your training, or did you block it all out because it ended in scandal?
Paige: Mmm. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.
Holmes: Maybe what wasn't such a good idea?
Paige: Well, I hear you wear a couple of hats. You consult here, and you take private clients. I would like to hire you, and I'd like you to keep it between us.
Kenneth Tolan: Hey. It's not what it looks like.
Joan Watson: Please tell me there is not a body in that bag.
Holmes: Deduction is your stock and trade, Watson. Have some pride.
Watson: Okay. Two bodies?
Holmes: Medical bills and insurance claims. Pilfered from the office of Dr. Jonas Kiel, neurologist with a private practice uptown.
Watson: Oh, yeah. I would've totally figured that out.
Holmes: The doctor treats Paige, the Captain's girlfriend, for her relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis. She's come to suspect that some of his support staff are engaged in criminal malfeasance.
Watson: That sounds troubling. And kind of vague.
Holmes: Yeah, well, some of the ladies that work on the front desk have upgraded their clothing and their jewelry lately, and they've been in the habit of accidentally running off extra copies of Paige's prescriptions.
Watson: So, she asked you to look into it?
Holmes: Yeah, well, she wanted peace of mind. I, I'd ask you not to alert the Captain. I know it's delicate, but...
Watson: No, no. I get it. I mean, he'd charge right at it.
Holmes: I left a considerably lighter footprint. This turned out not to be necessary. The doctor's alarm system is archaic, and there were no cameras to record me making copies of all his patients' billing and insurance information.
Watson: So we get to audit his practice. Not exactly what I had in mind for today. I'm gonna get some coffee.
Holmes: No. Get dressed. Or get undressed. Your choice.
Watson: Excuse me?
Holmes: Marcus has requested our presence at a clothing optional retreat.
Watson: It's for a case, right?
Detective Bell: Thanks, Ms. Murphy. I think you'll be a little more comfortable this way.
Dolores Murphy: I think you'll be more comfortable. But it's fine. Go ahead.
Bell: The victim, he wasn't carrying ID. Obviously, We're assuming he was a guest here at the retreat, but we don't really...
Murphy: His name is Kenneth Tolan.
Holmes: Did you know him well?
Murphy: Eh, Kenny's been coming here to Maple Grove since before I took over running the place, so probably '09 I guess.
Watson: Can you think of anyone who would've done this to him? Was he on anyone's bad side?
Murphy: Never. Kenny was a sweetheart. This was just terrible, terrible luck. The guy who took that woman, from the news. That's who did this.
Holmes: You're talking about the housewife in Long Island taken last week? Uh, Beth Stone?
Murphy: Yeah. That's the one. All over the TV. Here. Kenny sent that last night. Probably right before they shot him.
Watson: "Am I crazy, or is this the kidnapped lady?" He's not crazy. It's definitely Beth Stone.
Holmes: Did you mention this when you called 911?
Murphy: I didn't notice the message until after. That music you can hear. I think it was coming from the cabin. Kenny probably got curious, or maybe he saw a light was on. The place has been under renovation for two years. Nobody should've been in there.
Bell: Well, nobody's there now. The killer took Mrs. Stone and cleared out.
Murphy: I'll be right back.
Holmes: The smell of ammonia is still quite noxious, even from here.
Bell: Yeah. CSU says every surface in there was scrubbed. Rain last night's gonna make it hard to find anything useful out here, too.
Holmes: If it can be done, I will see it done. Why don't you two go to Long Island, check in with the, uh, local investigation into Mrs. Stone's disappearance.
Bell: Mr. Stone, just for the record, that is your wife, isn't it?
Aaron Stone: Yeah. That's Beth. Definitely. You mind if I, uh...
Bell: Of course.
Detective Sybert: Here you go. Initial file from six days ago is on top for you. Mr. Stone, he uh, he called in the disappearance. Mrs. Stone, she ran some down here, brought some paperwork for him because he was sick. And she she didn't come home.
Watson: You guys have been busy.
Sybert: Yeah, well, the file weighs plenty, I just wish there was more in it for you guys. We got interviews of friends, family, most of the workers here, all of her social media's here, and everything we asked for about the uh, about the business.
Bell: Nothing unusual in all that?
Sybert: No. Hey, the good news is, is that she's alive, right? When we didn't hear any news about a ransom, we started to think maybe a serial killer. You know, someone who'd just take her and throw her away.
Aaron: You know, I, I don't understand why this is happening to us. We we live a normal life. Small, quiet, we do our work and we go home, that's it.
Bell: You own this place, right?
Aaron: Used to. Uh, banks own most of it, now. Beth and I bought it when we got married. Spent most of my inheritance on it, fixing the place up, and now, ten years later, everything's out of date again.
Bell: You guys do post-production for movies?
Aaron: Local commercials, um, we do color-correction, we rent out editing suites. I mean, it's made us broke, but it hasn't made us any, like, any enemies.
Sybert: Everybody we spoke to, they like these folks. That's why we think it was a stranger who scooped her up.
Aaron: It has to be. I, I don't know anybody as tall as the guy that took her. The security cameras got everything out back. Did you guys see the footage?
Watson: Just the clip from the news. We'd love to take a closer look.
Aaron: I didn't even think to check these until the next day.
Sybert: We have the gun pegged as a snub-nosed .22 revolver.
Watson: Well, that would match the slugs we just pulled out of Kenneth Tolan's skull.
Bell: This the only angle?
Sybert: Yeah. We never do get to see the guy's face.
Watson: Oh. Can you freeze it, please?
Bell: What? You catch a reflection or something?
Watson: No. I don't think we're going to be able to identify the kidnapper from this angle, but the van...
Bell: The roof. What is that?
Aaron: That thing that looks kind of lumpy there? That you know, I've, I've watched this a thousand times and I always thought it was a shadow or a smudge on the lens.
Watson: It's not. It's fresh paint over an area that's been welded. They had to seal the roof after they removed the retractable satellite mast. This used to be a TV news van.
Bell: Might be able to track it through secondary sales market. Where's the nearest DMV?
Watson: There you are. Did you get my texts?
Holmes: Marcus is uh, following up a vehicular lead in New Jersey. I would have responded with an update of my own if I had one.
Watson: So no luck at Maple Grove?
Holmes: We wasted a considerable amount of time tracking a boot print in the mud to a camper who had an alibi. I have photographs if you'd like to see what an 85-year-old man wearing only hiking boots looks like.
Watson: Uh, I'm good. Maybe later. Why don't you, uh, update me on that Paige thing?
Holmes: Well, relatively speaking, it's a little short on dead nudists and missing women. The scheme here was quite mundane. Cataloging it is thin gruel for a mind as lithe as my own.
Watson: So, Paige was right, her doctor's running a scam?
Holmes: No, not her doctor. Three of his clerical staff are double billing insurance companies for prescriptions that they claim are filled on site. Fortunately, Dr. Kiel seems to have been kept in the dark, so I don't think he's going to be indicted when, uh, when it hits the fan.
Watson: Something's bothering you.
Holmes: No. I'm just bored.
Watson: No, that's a different look.
Holmes: I am troubled. In order to do this audit, I've had to look at Paige's file.
Watson: All right. What am I looking for?
Holmes: Method of payment.
Watson: Her insurance lapsed.
Holmes: She was kicked off her plan earlier this year. Last month, she bounced two checks to Dr. Kiel. Of late, she's been charging her treatments to a credit card.
Watson: Teriflunomide. She has to have it, but it is expensive.
Holmes: Hmm. Non-negotiable in every sense. So now you see the two parts to my malaise. Drudgery and sympathy.
Watson: I assume you took the case pro bono considering she is the Captain's girlfriend.
Holmes: I insisted.
Watson: Well, at least you can feel good about helping her out.
Holmes: Well, there you go then. Wouldn't want to monopolize all the good feelings.
Bell (radio) : Captain, any potential witnesses on Van Dyke or Richards Street?
Gregson (radio) : Not that I can see, it's a ghost town over here. Nothing but warehouses and vacants.
Holmes: Congratulations Marcus, looks like you had the world's first satisfactory trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles. Was not expecting them to help you find the van so quickly.
Bell: Actually, the sales records were a bust. Paperwork might be filed, but it hasn't been put in the system yet.
Holmes: So how did you come to invite us here?
Bell: I found an online classified hawking an old news van for sale in Camden, New Jersey.
Watson: Did you call the seller?
Bell: That was a dead end, too. Our guy did the deal over e-mail. Transfer of Title was under a fake name.
Watson: Oh, so how'd you track the van down?
Holmes: Via the EZ Pass, I imagine, yeah?
Bell: I had the MTA ping it as soon as I saw the ad. It was listed along with new tires and low mileage. This close to the highway, transponders like that one work as well as LoJack.
Gregson: I spread the canvas out a little wider, but I don't think we're gonna find anyone that saw anything. Department hasn't sent a car out this way for any vehicle fires.
Watson: So no one saw him torch the van.
Bell: It was raining the night of the murder. Probably not a lot of foot traffic out here if he ditched it after he shot Kenneth Tolan.
Holmes: I think they might've divested themselves of the van shortly after abducting Mrs. Stone. The wealth of needles back here suggests that an addict camped out here for about five days.
Gregson: Then he's way ahead of us.
Watson: Maybe not.
Bell: You don't think there's fingerprints on this thing?
Watson: Maybe digital ones.
Bell: This SIM is from a disposable phone. Was only used three times. All three calls were made the day after your wife was taken. All three were to your cell phone.
Watson: You didn't tell anyone that the kidnappers made contact. Normally, that would look bad for you, but you've been an open book with the Nassau County PD, so we have to ask were you told not to say anything?
Holmes: It's a simple question, Mr. Stone. Is this a ransom situation?
Aaron: We can't be having this conversation.
Bell: Cops, reporters, everybody watching your interviews on the news, you let them all think this was done by some crazy person. There's been a lot of time and energy put into profiling this guy that could've been better spent finding your wife.
Aaron: What choice did I have? He said if I came forward, that that I would never see her again.
Holmes: Well, you didn't go to the police. We came to you.
Aaron: Doesn't matter. There's nothing that I could say that will help you. Nothing.
Bell: Why don't you take a break from deciding what the police need to know and just tell us everything? We can keep this out of the media.
Aaron: He, his voice was disguised. That's, that's it. That's look, there's still time to get him what he wants. I, I can, I can handle this.
Watson: You have time to get him what?
Bell: How did he disguise his voice? What timetable did he give you? Were you allowed to speak to your wife?
Aaron: We're not gonna do this right now. Uh, I'd like you to leave my house, please.
Holmes: Mr. Stone, I've worked dozens of kidnap cases. I'm not asking you to rely on my, uh, experience and judgment alone. By now, you must have researched how often these uh, come to a happy conclusion.
Aaron: I just do what I'm told.
Holmes: Every additional hour that Beth is held, the chances increase that she will observe something which will help her to identify her abductor, so the chances decrease that he will allow her to live to tell the tale. It's already been a week. If you ever see your wife alive again, it will almost certainly be because we found her.
Aaron: Then good luck to us all.
Dennis Karig: How's that looking?
Holmes: The cyan values are turned up too high. Everyone looks like a Smurf. Dennis Karig, you're Aaron Stone's second-in-command, are you not?
Karig: Yeah. Who are you?
Holmes: I'm Sherlock Holmes. I'd like a word.
Karig: So, the guy who took Beth, he did it for money?
Holmes: Well, yes, money is one possibility but he may have another type of ransom in mind. I mean, I can't tell you because your employer won't tell us.
Karig: What do you mean?
Holmes: Well, he's not cooperating with us. So, my colleagues and I are asking around in the hope that he confided some salient detail to someone close to him.
Karig: I'm his best friend and he hasn't told me a thing.
Holmes: That's unfortunate. I mean, he thinks he's playing it safe by following instructions. Beth could be killed, whether he pays the ransom or not. It's possible that that might not bother him as much as it would you.
Karig: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Holmes: We learned from his financials that he recently consulted a divorce attorney. The invoice references analysis of a prenuptial agreement, so I mean, I'm trying to decide whether I'm being impeded by a fearful imbecile or by someone who wishes to save on alimony.
Karig: You think he wants the kidnapper to kill her? No. No way. Have Aaron and Beth had a rough go at it lately? Yes, they fight about this place, the money it loses. And just a few weeks ago, they sent out invites to an anniversary party next month. Here.
Holmes: Ten years is tin, not diamonds. This is Beth's handwriting, not Aaron's. Perhaps she's still in love and he isn't.
Karig: Look if this is really a kidnap for ransom, I am sure Aaron is scrambling like crazy to get the money together. He probably would have sold this place by now if it wasn't mortgaged to the hilt. He'd do anything for Beth.
Holmes: If you say so.
Karig: Just so you know, I'm, I'm gonna tell Aaron that you and your friends are here snooping around.
Holmes: Yes, you do what you feel you must. But she's your friend, too, no? So, please, ask yourself, is Aaron really acting in her best interest?
Watson: Thanks very much.
Bruce Daniels: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Watson: Hey. This is Bruce Daniels. He produces local commercials.
Holmes: You are close to Aaron Stone?
Daniels: No, no, no, I'm just here a lot. I rent out an editing bay whenever I need one. I just told her a couple weeks ago, I was cutting 30 seconds for Comfort Time Mattress. They got a new location over on Brand. I overheard Aaron in bay three really screaming on the phone, which is weird for him.
Watson: Right, but you didn't know what he was referring to.
Daniels: No, but it sounded like he couldn't agree with somebody about what to do with this 30-year-old film footage they had processed. There was something pretty heavy on this eight millimeter film strip, I guess.
Watson: Right, and then you overheard Aaron saying that he was ready to show it to the guy who was in it and that the guy would pay.
Holmes: You think it was blackmail material?
Watson: It was two days before the kidnapping.
Holmes: That's all you know?
Daniels: Yeah, I mind my own business. Hey, listen, is that accent legit? 'Cause I could get you some work in radio. I got a jewelry store looking for a touch of class. It pays.
Holmes: Uh, pass.
Daniels: All right, well in case you change your mind. Beth always seemed real nice. I hope you guys find her.
Holmes: Well, uh, it would be nice to get a look at that eight-millimeter film he was yelling about. I doubt we'll get a warrant on hearsay evidence.
Watson: Yeah, I doubt it, too. Uh, Marcus is going to be interviewing the equipment manager for a few more minutes.
Holmes: Yeah, why don't you join him? It would be good if that interview wasn't rushed.
Watson: I don't think this is gonna work, we're gonna have to go through everything on this drive one file at a time.
Holmes: And spend seven times as long watching B-roll of sandwich shop commercials? I think not.
Watson: Say we're right. Aaron found a piece of film that is blackmail-worthy. Only the person he was trying to extort turned the tables on him and kidnapped Beth. If the footage is here, I'm gonna miss it. After I have an epileptic fit.
Holmes: You find this uncomfortable because your retinas are bouncing between three different screens at once.
Watson: So? You're covering four.
Holmes: No. I'm staring at a fixed point past the screens, letting my peripheral vision alert me to anything suspicious.
Watson: You could've mentioned this technique 15 minutes ago.
Holmes: Screen six. There it was.
Watson: There what was?
Holmes: You used to be such a patient person. So, pay no attention to the young man attempting the free throw. Look at the two figures in the deep background.
Watson: Oh, there's no way he lived through that.
Holmes: This video features the same teenager as several that preceded it. Obviously, his family brought in their old film to Stone Post for digitization. So I doubt they knew what they had.
Watson: Aaron obviously did.
Holmes: Seems like he's blown it up to get a better look. He's looped it, zoomed in. Very presentational.
Watson: Maybe he did it to show the killer. If he figured out who it was, this would definitely be blackmail-worthy.
Holmes: All the signs indicate that Aaron did determine who it was. But how? All we have is a face in the crowd of a 30-year-old snippet of film. So, I'm at a loss as to where to begin.
Watson: The victim's name is Quentin Latham, and I think the guy stabbing him is one of the Dinacios. The crime family.
Watson: This is the victim. No question. Quentin Latham was a big union leader. A reformer. He clashed with the Mob.
Holmes: And then he took an eight-inch buck knife to the solar plexus.
Watson: Well, they didn't know that back then. He just fell off the map in 1987. Two years later, his bones showed up in a box outside the Local 127. All the big families denied it, but the message was clear. What?
Holmes: You're always keen to hear stories about my unusual childhood, but I didn't think I had anything on you. Who follows Mafia exploits with such zeal in grade school?
Watson: Well, I also collected stickers. All right, so...here we go. This is the same guy in that home video, right? Peter Dinacio? He's Micki the Don's nephew.
Holmes: This Web site fairly reeks of a boiler room pumping and dumping penny stocks.
Watson: The SEC has been after him for years. I remember reading something about it in the paper last year. He's been really hard to catch, but he's going down today. I cannot believe we solved Quentin Latham. The Captain is gonna freak.
Holmes: Going to have to hear about this freaking secondhand. I promised Paige I would meet her and review my findings.
Watson: Are you sure?
Holmes: Quite. Your childhood fetish is bearing fruit, Watson, go and enjoy it.
Holmes: So, as you can see, Emily Berkus was the mastermind. Started double filing those depakote prescriptions last October. Ariana Rodriguez joined in the fun a couple of months later, and promptly expanded the insurance fraud to include the uh, MAOI inhibitors.
Paige: Well, that explains her diamond tennis bracelet.
Holmes: Your instincts are quite keen. I can see why the Captain likes you.
Paige: So now what?
Holmes: Now, I send this file, anonymously, of course, to a friend of a friend at the DOJ's Health Care Fraud Unit. Justice should be swift. I do believe your doctor will be spared, as I said. There is no hint of evidence that he was aware.
Paige: Good. I'm glad. Because it's easier for him to find some honest people to work the front desk than it is for me to find a new neurologist.
Holmes: Well, I think that concludes our business. I, I would like to ask you what are your intentions towards the Captain?
Paige: Oh, I'm gonna tell him all of this. I just didn't want to put him in a spot in case I was wrong.
Holmes: I meant more broadly in terms of your future together. What are your intentions?
Paige: Are you asking me if I'm gonna make an honest man of him?
Holmes: Is he aware you're going broke?
Paige: I'm not going broke.
Holmes: Your billing files suggest otherwise. I was just wondering, is the Captain going to come to your aid?
Paige: I think we're done here.
Holmes: All I wish to know...
Paige: If you're asking me whether I'm gonna bilk Tommy for money, I'm not. I know you said you wanted to do this job pro bono, but you can expect a check in the mail. You earned it. You did the work. Tommy was right about you. You're very good at the work.
Gregson: You have the right to remain silent.
Peter Dinacio: I know my damn rights. I want to know why you're here.
Gregson: Well, a lot of answers to that question, Mr. Dinacio. You've been awfully busy.
Watson: We know that almost 30 years ago, you stabbed Quentin Latham. We also want to talk to you about the kidnapping of Beth Stone, the shooting of Kenneth Tolan at Maple Grove Campground, and why you think...
Peter: Hold on, hon. Back up. Look, I don't know anything about Beth Stone or any campground, but I think I do know how you got confused about Latham.
Gregson: Well, you'll have all the time in the world to explain it to us. Come on.
Peter: You don't get it. Before you take me downtown, there's something I got to show you. Please.
Peter: Incredible, isn't it? It's just the best. Guys, come on. That's not me.
Gregson: Mr. Dinacio, are you trying to set up an insanity plea?
Peter: About a month ago, these two guys, Aaron and Dennis, they came in here, they were looking for an angel investor.
Watson: Aaron Stone and Dennis Karig of Stone Post Production?
Peter: Yeah. Shame about Aaron's wife, but I've been keeping a good thought.
Gregson: They wanted start-up money?
Peter: Not exactly our bag. But they were maxed out with the banks, they're looking for 800 grand at any rate I name. I said I'd take the meeting.
Gregson: What was the money for?
Peter: For this, for what you're looking at. CGI, baby. These two, they had this app or whatever. They said it makes it so you could do Titanic on your laptop. I wasn't buying it.
Watson: So, you expect us to believe that this footage of you killing Quentin Latham is fake, that this is some sort of audition reel to convince you to invest in their CGI company?
Peter: They said I could pick anything. I knew my uncles would get a kick out of this. Look, you don't have to believe me. I got plenty to back me up in that drawer there. Go ahead. They changed our faces later. The whole thing took, like, an hour. Those guys are geniuses, I'm telling you. Thank my lucky stars they came to me. We're all gonna be worth about a gazillion dollars.
Gregson: Uncuff him.
Watson: This might explain why someone would ransom the wife of a man who is flat broke.
Gregson: Kidnapper could have been after this software?
Watson: Or a cut of the profits. Did you tell a lot of people in your family about this program?
Peter: I told you, that's who it was for.
Gregson: How many people actually saw it?
Peter: They showed some people. Those people showed some other people. I guess you could say it went viral. But, you know, only in our thing.
Gregson: That's great. Only in his thing. That means our list of suspects just grew by only a few hundred mobsters.
Watson: Oh. Was that "Gimme Some Lovin'"?
Holmes: Good ear.
Watson: Ugh! This might be the most disturbing way you've ever woken me up.
Holmes: You know Steve Winwood wrote that song at the tender age of 18?
Watson: That's neat I guess. I didn't know you were a fan.
Holmes: Oh, I do appreciate his oeuvre, but that's not the reason for my pop music reveille. I've had a breakthrough in the case.
Watson: Can you not do that? I have a system!
Holmes: Slumbering under a pile of aged Mafiosos?
Watson: These are suspects.
Holmes: They are all innocent of kidnap and murder. At least in the respective cases of Beth Stone and Kenneth Tolan. Today, we turn our sights on Dennis Karig.
Watson: Aaron's partner?
Holmes: His friend and employee.
Watson: I told you last night, the current theory is that Beth was abducted over CGI software written by Karig. He did not need to abduct his friend's wife to get his hands on it. It's sitting on his computer.
Holmes: His computer at work. That's an important distinction. Have a look at the employee contract from Stone Post Productions.
Watson: Just give me the highlights.
Holmes: I pulled that from the hard drive we got at Stone Post. It's fairly standard in that it lays legal claim to the work product and intellectual property generated by the undersigned employee.
Watson: So Karig's software developed on the job does not belong to him. It belongs to Aaron Stone.
Holmes: What if Mr. Karig was having trouble motivating his friend to share in the expected proceeds?
Watson: That's a possible motive, but you seem pretty certain.
Holmes: Because of Mr. Karig's taste in music. He's an avid curator of play lists, which he shares via streaming services. He relies heavily on the work of Steve Winwood.
Watson: Hence the little concert.
Holmes: Think about it. You might recall where you've heard another one of his songs very recently.
Bell: So who's Karig working with? Where'd he find the big goon that stuck Beth in the van?
Watson: Actually, I don't think the goon was that big after all.
Bell: Maybe we have different ideas of big, but this guy...is Karig. Of course.
Watson: He wrote cutting-edge software that manipulates pixels. We've been looking at his handiwork this whole time.
Bell: So he stretches himself a foot taller, adds 40 pounds, no problem.
Watson: Oh, maybe one problem. He altered his size, but not his shape. Look. The kidnapper has sloped shoulders. They're hunched just like Dennis Karig's.
Bell: It's not proof, but it's a start. We should have CCS have a look at this. They might be able to tell the file's been tweaked.
Watson: We could try, but that would take time, and we have a missing woman out there. We told the Captain that we should hit Karig with this as soon as possible.
Gregson (phone): Yeah. Well, thanks for the heads up. We'll be ready.
Gregson: That was Gleason. He and Crawford just scooped up Dennis Karig. They're on their way.
Holmes: Excellent. Uh, do you have a moment?
Gregson: Something wrong?
Holmes: I want to talk to you about your personal life, specifically, uh, your relationship with Paige.
Gregson: Well, I don't really want to do that right now.
Holmes: Are you aware she's in dire financial straits?
Gregson: What are you talking about?
Holmes: Well, the trouble stems from her, uh her condition, or rather, the expensive treatments it requires. You weren't aware?
Gregson: Of course I was aware. How are you aware?
Holmes: I've had occasion to get to know her a bit better recently. I think you should propose marriage.
Gregson: Ha, ha, ha, ha. Excuse me?
Holmes: The sooner you pop the question, the sooner her treatments will be covered by the city's health plan. I think the time might have come for a new Mrs. Gregson.
Gregson: I, I think I just got whiplash. When I split with the last Mrs. Gregson, you told me to consider myself lucky. You compared marriage to uh, poison, I think it was?
Holmes: Yeah. Well, despite the abject failure of your first nuptials, you don't have any such misgivings about the institution, do you? So it would not be a violation of your personal ethics.
Gregson: Oh, should I phrase it like that when I get down on my knee?
Holmes: I'm not making this recommendation on romantic grounds. Open enrollment ends this week, and I realize I should be the last of your acquaintances to suggest marriage, not the first, but there it is.
Gregson: Oh, you think you're the first? You're not. We're adults. We got a great thing going. Everyone wants me to marry her.
Holmes: Yeah, but, you know, their rationale is misguided, and mine's, you know...gaming the insurance industry's what marriage is for, right?
Gregson: When things first got serious, we talked about marriage, okay? She's in your camp.
Holmes: She's opposed?
Gregson: Very. She had a bad trip the first time around.
Holmes: And you're not opposed?
Gregson: No. It's what I want. Listen, whatever's going on with Paige's finances, we're just gonna have to figure it out another way. All right?
Gregson (phone): Gregson.
Karig: Just because this guy had hunched shoulders like me? I mean, he could be anybody who works a desk job. Sitting ruins your posture.
Bell: Maybe we'll get around to talking to all office workers everywhere, but we're starting with you.
Holmes: You failed to mention you are proficient in creating computer-generated imagery last time we spoke, Mr. Karig.
Karig: I didn't think you'd come to hear about my hobbies. Uh, look, if someone messed with the security tape, they could've made the kidnapper look like anyone.
Holmes: Yeah. You're a technical genius, Mr. Karig. No one here is accusing you of creative brilliance.
Karig: This is crazy. I told you, I was home when this happened.
Bell: When she was taken or when Kenneth Tolan got shot?
Karig: Both. Both times. I was alone because I live alone. That's not a crime.
Holmes: It's not much of an alibi either. But let's forget about that for the moment and focus on your taste in firearms.
Bell: You purchased a .22-caliber revolver last month. Just like the one there. Must've been around the time you hatched your plan. The day you realized that Aaron was gonna make a bundle off your work and pay you peanuts.
Karig: No. That's not true. We're still negotiating my compensation.
Bell: Is that what you call kidnapping his wife?
Karig: Can we just stop and think about this? How stupid would I have to be to try to abduct someone who knows me without wearing a mask? She'd be able to identify me.
Bell: Not if you kill her once you get what you want. It's what you do, right? Get rid of all the evidence, disguise your voice, you burn the van, kill the witness, bleach the cabin. You're a real thorough guy. Tell you what though...
Gregson: Karig hasn't cracked, has he?
Watson: Not yet.
Gregson: Good. We don't need a false confession to explain at trial. Detective Bell, Mr. Holmes, would you step out, please?
Watson: What's going on?
Gregson: Beth Stone just wandered into a diner down in Great Kills Park, couple miles from that nudist resort where they had her.
Gregson: The kidnappers. She says there were two of them. Karig doesn't fit either description. Not even close.
Beth Stone: Like I said, there were two of them. Um, Rashad. I, I think that was the little one. And, and Ali is the one who took me. They didn't they didn't use their names in front of me, but I heard them whispering in their language. I had a roommate once who was Pakistani. I think that's what they were.
Aaron: Hey. You're doing great, honey.
Bell: So, we've got Rashad and Ali?
Beth: Ali's the one who shot that man at the cabin. And then he took me to this tent back in those woods. Rashad was, was very angry, and he took over watching me all the time. Except sometimes he'd leave the tent to, to go out and smoke a cigarette. That's when I'd work on my ropes. They, they had my wrists tied to a, a stake in the ground, like this. So the last time he went out for a smoke, I got out and I just took off. I couldn't see. It was so dark. And branches kept cutting me, but I knew I had to keep running.
Watson: Mr. Stone, when they called you, what did they want?
Aaron: $3 million. Said it had to be in cash, nonsequential bills. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before. I, I was doing what they said. I was doing everything I could to get that money.
Beth: I know you were. I know.
Bell: We need to get over to that tent where you were kept, go over it before it rains. They're gonna take you to the hospital, get you checked out. Would it be all right if we came by and asked a few more questions?
Beth: Whatever you need.
Bell: Hey. Campsite's this way.
Holmes: Yeah. And you're welcome to inspect it. I'm sure Mrs. Stone's done a really good job of sprinkling bread crumbs there. You might find the remnants of a chapati to support her absurd fiction.
Watson: You think she's lying about something?
Holmes: I think she's lying about everything. I'm still quite certain Dennis Karig is the man we saw in that video. She's covering for him.
Bell: And why would she do that?
Holmes: 'Cause he's covering for her. She kidnapped herself.
Holmes: Something's been gnawing at me. You know, Beth Stone's imaginary bogeymen aren't properly represented here. The co-captains of the Karachi Dragons are as likely as any Pakistanis to have been involved, so I thought they could stand in for now.
Watson: You can stop mocking her story. She's lying. I'm sold.
Holmes: And yet you won't join me in pouring scorn on her racist tale of woe.
Watson: Well, there could be a lot of reasons why Beth is covering for Karig and not in on it. Uh, he could have something on her. Maybe it's Stockholm syndrome.
Holmes: Maybe. But I think I've devised a better theory. You'll recall that Aaron Stone recently visited a family lawyer and that he and Beth are set to celebrate their tenth anniversary.
Holmes: But while I'm not privy to the details of their prenuptial agreement, I'd not at all be surprised if it were about to lapse.
Watson: So, if Aaron was considering a divorce, Beth had financial motive, just like Karig did. Instead of getting a fraction of their estate, she could be in line for as much as half. But everyone thinks that this CGI software is worth tens of millions. So why ask for a lousy $3 million to split?
Holmes: Because Aaron couldn't pay it. The point is not to score a ransom. It's to shame Aaron into running out the clock on their prenuptial agreement.
Watson: Oh. I guess it would be pretty awful if he left her after she'd been through this horrible ordeal.
Holmes: Social suicide.
Watson: Hmm. It's a good theory. It's just a theory.
Holmes: Married couples, Watson. How often have their messes robbed you of your precious sleep? And to think, I recently suggested that the Captain join their ranks.
Watson: You what?
Holmes: I suggested he tie the knot. I, I thought it a solution to Paige's insurance problems. Right, come on. Let's have it. And, remember, it's cricket. So arm straight.
Watson: In, in a minute. I'm still trying to picture you arguing in favor of marriage.
Holmes: Yes, I know. I have spoken out against it in the past.
Watson: Only if you count calling it a fiendish plot to subvert human biology, independence, and happiness.
Holmes: Yeah, exactly. But in this rare case, it might be mutually beneficial, good for his health and hers. Studies have shown that there are health benefits for men who reside in a state of sexless antagonism with a life partner.
Watson: Ah. Then you'll live to be 100.
Holmes: Her breasts, Watson.
Watson: What do Paige's breasts have to do with anything?
Holmes: No, not, not Paige's. Beth Stone's. You saw them earlier.
Watson: I wasn't really looking at them.
Holmes: Well, you should have. They're her undoing.
Gregson: We wanted to speak to you 'cause we didn't find any physical evidence in Great Kills Park. Nothing to suggest anyone other than Beth made camp in those woods.
Aaron: I don't understand.
Holmes: Before she was abducted, you were considering divorce, Mr. Stone. I would file right away.
Aaron: No. No, that is not true. I, I was not...
Watson: We know you saw a lawyer about your prenup. We don't know when it expires, but ten years is a nice round number.
Holmes: Your upcoming anniversary was the motivation for this entire charade, was it not?
Beth: What are you talking about?
Gregson: We're talking about you trying to guilt your husband into sticking around long enough for the prenup to lapse.
Beth: That's insane. Aaron and I love each other. Even if we didn't, we're broke. What's the difference between five percent of nothing and a whole lot more of nothing?
Holmes: But it wouldn't be nothing. It would be a fair share of your assets, including the rights to Dennis Karig's software.
Gregson: And that's a pretty substantial motive to buy yourself some time, earn a little sympathy...
Watson: Maybe you were hoping that faking your own kidnapping would save your marriage. Maybe you really do love him. But we think that it was about the money. You and Dennis were greedy, so you struck a deal.
Beth: I can't believe you people. I was taken.
Holmes: Yes, by two Pakistani men. We've heard your, um, bigoted fantasia.
Beth: Do these look fake to you?
Holmes: No. But they were self-inflicted. As was your suntan. Which has faded. It was positively glowing on the news yesterday. Your arms were covered, your face was muddied, but this area was exposed.
Watson: You told us you were locked in a cabin until just a few days ago. And then, in the middle of the night, you were taken to a tent. So tell us, when exactly did you find time to sunbathe?
Holmes: I think it was between visits from your co-conspirator, Mr. Karig.
Gregson: Mr. Stone, if you want to step outside for a minute, we're gonna invite an assistant district attorney to sit in that chair.
Holmes: You didn't pull the trigger which killed Kenneth Tolan, so you get first crack at a plea deal. It's time to betray your other partner.
Gregson: They'll be done in 20 minutes. Have a car ready to transport her to Central Booking, and then...did I forget a lunch?
Holmes: No, I arranged one for you.
Gregson: You did what?
Holmes: I um, I uh, I took the liberty of talking to Paige. We, um we discussed her reservations about marriage.
Gregson: Look, I don't know why you've decided to get in the middle of this, but, I got to say...
Holmes: I managed to lower her defenses. I've taken it as far as I can. But at some point in the process, uh, your absence became, you know, quite limiting.
Gregson: What process?
Holmes: She told me about the weekend getaway that you have planned. Um, sounded like a excellent opportunity to elope. And, uh, if you do, then...
Gregson: All this to fake out an insurance company?
Holmes: Yeah. Well, I mean, no, it's not about that anymore. Not entirely.
Gregson: Then what is it about?
Holmes: You said it was what you wanted.
Gregson: Where'd you get those? Are they hot?
Holmes: If, if you're concerned about provenance, you should just uh, just focus on those ones.